Tiramisu for Breakfast, Lunch…AND Dinner!

Once upon a time, in another era of my life I feasted on tiramisu for breakfast, lunch… AND dinner. Oh my! Was I on a continual sugar high.

  • I looked forward to the next delicious, but not nutritious meal.
  • I looked forward to the smooth, velvety and creamy cake escape.
  • I looked forward to being filled and fueled by emptiness.
  • I looked forward to the soothing feeling of contentment, even though it was fleeting and temporary.
  • I looked forward to getting it my way and getting away with something not socially acceptable. I was being bad, bad, bad. And nobody could stop me.
  • I looked forward to not thinking about proper meal planning. This was easy: go to Costco and get a large double pack tiramisu cake. Who needed fresh fruit, crunchy vegetables, brown rice…balance shmalance! I was on the indulgence train.
  • I looked forward to not having to face my feelings, emotions, reality, life, choices, relationships and ME!
  • Sugar had become my drug of choice.
  • Sugar had become my self-medicated means of managing life.
  • Sugar had become my feeling suppressant.
  • And, unlike cocaine, sugar was(is) socially acceptable and readily available. It is in everything – even salad dressing –  yes, let’s sprinkle some sugar on our kale and spinach.

Then by the Grace of God, that “Still Small (but very persistent and instant) Voice” within became  louder and more pronounced. The scale also had a word or two with me and gave me an unapproving look, as did my clothes which became much more snug.             I reached a point where I had little respect for me. I was also disappointed in myself for the lack of discipline and wise stewardship toward the Divine Gift of my Body.

Around that time I was receiving Reiki healing treatments.  During one such healing session I was lamenting, complaining and whining about certain patterns/paradigms of behavior on my  part, others’ toward me, and my inability to break thru. The Reiki practitioner suggested that I do a twenty one day food cleanse/fast of eating only healthy, whole, wholesome and nutritious food: Clean Food. She also said that fasting brings about miracles. She was right.

The lists below are a hybrid of the original suggestion by the Reiki practitioner, and  my modifications over the years as I have strived to eat healthy, whole, nutritious, nourishing, alive, and integrity food.

That meant that for twenty one days, I was to cut out:

  • white flour and/or yeast food
  • white rice (white flour and white rice have no nutritional value – they fill the void in the belly but do not nourish and fuel the body with wholesome nutrition)
  • white flour pasta
  • fast food
  • GMO food (GMO online definition: “The abbreviation for genetically modified organism. A GMO is an organism whose genome has been altered by the techniques of genetic engineering so that its DNA contains one or more genes not normally found there.”)  GMO food really messes with the biology of one’s body. I call it “chemical food”.
  • sugar, corn syrup, artificial sweetener
  • alcohol, caffeine, pop/soda
  • processed chocolate
  • processed, MSG, and/or preservative food
  • dairy, cheese, butter, ice-cream
  • lunch meat
  • pork
  • red meat
  • eggs
  • salad dressing (most have sugar)
  • mayonnaise, ketchup (sugar)
  • blue/green/yellow food coloring colored food
  • processed fruit juices

I was in shock and had thought to myself, “what was left to eat?”. My ego rebelled and tried to convince me that I would starve, be malnourished and possibly even DIE if I attempted this Eating Clean journey. Yes, the ego can get very melodramatic and scare us off before we even try.

It took me three months to mentally prepare, convince, and psych myself up for the fast/cleanse. It also helped that 2012 Easter Great Lent was approaching and that was a strong impetus. I felt like there would be others fasting and I would not be alone in denying goodies to myself. O woe was me!

The hardest part of the Eating Clean journey was deciding to do it. The mind debate  and the ego temper tantrums that revolt against any drastic change can create very dramatic life/death consequences and doomsday scenarios in the mind. I had to convince myself and my mind that I was not going to “die”. The adage of “don’t believe everything you think” was being whispered to me by Heavenly Angels, over and over and over and over. They are so patient and graceful with us.

Plus, a huge dollop of GRACE helped.

The first two weeks were extremely challenging. In those first two weeks I just kept focusing on what I was denying myself, what I was missing out on, and my food “hardships”. Yes, the ego loves to really highlight the struggle rather than shine a light on the good that will eventually ensue. However,  by day eighteen or so I was on a roll and liking it. I was beginning to feel good about myself and the journey I was on. Around that time I  heard in my Heart “I fasted for 40 days would you do 40 days for Me too”. Ah! Really Jesus! It was less of an invitation and more of a Divine Directive. Again, the inner resistance, but I did. It helped that I was journaling and mediating daily by this point. Ironically, as I got into the thirty plus days of the fast, my ego kicked in again but this time with a Tarzan complex. My ego thought let’s see if we an go more than forty days. We did. We went for forty four days!

In this Eating Clean journey I completely overhauled my food relationship and pantry. I discovered new food, a new way of eating, and as a result a new way of relating with my self and others. I felt stronger. I had more clarity. I was more emotionally balanced. I slept better too.

As my nourishment become wholesome, so did my life and relationships. As I dropped unhealthy food, so too did unhealthy relationships drop. As I dropped artificial food, so too did anything artificial drop from my life. The food that I could have on the twenty one day Eating Clean journey was as follows:

  • all the fruits and veggies I wanted (preferably organic)
  • a meal could include a whole head of broccoli or cauliflower  or another veggie of choice
  • brown rice as it takes out toxins
  • quinoa as it is a grain with high nutrients and protein, plus it grows in high altitudes and is a hardy grain. I needed to get my attitude into the higher altitudes and become more hardy. You are what you eat.
  • almond milk (non-sweetened kind)
  • brown rice crackers
  • quinoa crackers
  • rye crackers
  • brown rice or bean chips
  • wholesome rye bead
  • Ezekiel or Essene bread
  • extra virgin olive oil, balsamic or apple cider vinegar, fresh squeezed lemon juice as dressings or garnishing
  • humus
  • sparkling water/mineral water with lemon
  • kombucha (“GT” makes a high integrity kind – they are fanatics about keeping the energy clean and pure and wholesome in their distilleries. Also, the original scoby is traced back to a Buddhist nun. Now that is some Omsomeness! )
  • sweetener options: agave nectar,  pure honey
  • smoothies – live and wholesome ingredients
  • cacao powder: pure and non-alkaline or non-dutch processed
  • nut butters for protein
  • tart cherry concentrate to add to water or sparkling water
  • wild caught fish
  • chickens raised with respect (no hormones nor antibiotics and room to roam)

I have over the years modified the above list to include the following:

  • eggs from pasture raised chickens  (no hormones nor antibiotics, natural feed, and chickens who roam outdoors under the sun, chickens that can stretch their wings, chickens that can scratch the earth and feast on grass, worms, and bugs)
  • beef or buffalo that is raised with respect and in pastures (no hormones nor antibiotics, natural feed)
  • whole/fair trade food: In this way I am contributing in a small but significant manner to someone else in a different part of the world receiving a living wage/salary. I am contributing to their dignity and giving value to their work. Imagine if everyone did that.
  • ANIMAL FRIENDLY PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS and home cleaning products: Use products that do not test on animals. Products that are FREE of cruelty and meanness. Keep in mind that energy does get transferred into the products and then into the energy field of the user and their home.

I have observed that when I began to eat whole and real food that I did not need to eat as much. The food that I began eating was filled with nutrients and my body became satiated and nourished with less food. Thus, because of the greater quality in the food, the quantity of food that I ate was reduced significantly. I also stopped taking vitamins.

Initially when I began the Eating Clean journey I balked at the price or cost of food, especially the organic food. But then on the inside I heard a Voice say, “You are focusing on the wrong point. How much does it “cost” to fix a body  ailment in the conventional medicine route? How much agony and uneasiness is there in that journey because of unwise stewardship.” Got it. Point understood. Thank You!

Also, around that time in our church we had a visiting Priest from Haiti who was collecting money for the orphanages. He used to be a C-level executive before he got “the call”. I remember him saying that what was once his monthly expense report for travel, meals and entertainment, was now his whole annual salary for his mission work in Haiti. In his homily which centered around his journey and the conditions in the orphanages, for some reason he said, and I still remember it many years later, “Eat at Whole Foods. It is good/wholesome food. It is good for you” What! Really! Did I just hear that! Those words washed over me and took root in me.

After my cleanse was over I did allow myself an occasional treat of what I then called “junk food”. Over time I revised the term with a euphemism of “fun food”.  Today, I turn to  “fun food fixes” less and less, and if I do then it means I have some serious soul searching that I have been avoiding.

As I began eating whole food, my conversation and relationship with myself and others began being more Whole, Wholesome, Gentle, Graceful, and Real. I encountered other people, articles, and conversations  who were on a nutritional cleanse and that gave me a boost to continue on. I call them Divinely anointed and appointed conversations.

Thus, if you want a more simple, pure and nourishing life, start with how you nourish your body. You and your life are a reflection of what you eat!

God’s Good Graces and Delicious & Nutritious Food for You,                                Abundant Grace, Wisdom, & Love for the Journey,                                                                       Irena As I Am and Mudryk the Angel                                                                               July 13, 2018

 

My Dream Boat

Once upon a time… when everything was in shambles and I had no clue as to what to do next, God sent me “clues, hints, winks, and synchronicities” on my journey. At that time one of my majors in the University of Life was detaching and disengaging from being a “people pleaser”, not succumbing to the “need to please”, having the strength to say “No” and stick to it, and having the courage to do something that I knew would upset many people, many many many people. I had on my shoulders the weight of letting everyone down if I were to proceed down a certain path. Oh my Holy Word! What a time of great testing that was. 

Anthony de Mello’s book “Walking on Water” was my lifeline and saving grace. In one section he spoke about us being addicted to the praise of others and it being the equivalent of a cocaine addiction (I think that is the drug he referred to). It is fed to us at a very early age and our psyche and sense of self-worth is deeply conditioned to it. It is the carrot and stick schtick of praise, disapproval, “the disapproving eye”, and/or the lavishing or withholding of love. Once we taste it, once we are conditioned to it, we crave it and we’ll do anything to keep getting it – love and adoration –  at any cost to our deep inner sense. Before we even know what is going on, we are hooked subconsciously and unaware.

 Rather than going within or to God for approval we look for the validation from others which is a very dangerous and precarious position to put ourselves in. We become slaves and at the mercy of another and another’s fickle and unConditional love, rather than God’s total acceptance of us and  our own acceptance of us. At that time, I was, or rather, God was weaning me from this self-destructive and self-demeaning “drug”.

I had a major decision to make – I could either stay put or have “everyone/they” be upset with me and disappointed in me for taking a different path. I wouldn’t be just “rocking the boat”, I’d be turning it upside down, axing it to pieces, and then burning it. 

  • What to do?
  • What to do?
  • Oh Dear God! What do I do?

In the midst of this conundrum, one night I had a dream. In the dream the message was “if you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat”. It was a strong and deep dream, and upon waking, my whole Being was imbued with its message. I knew the direction that the dream was prophesying for me. I just did not know if I had the strength to see it through. 

That day I happened to be flying out of town. While I was standing in the TSA security line, my gaze was directed toward the mesh end-pocket of a duffel bag that a gentleman in front of me had over his shoulder. To my astonishment and bewilderment the cover had a picture of a boat in the water and the title read, “If You Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat”. I was in total AWE & WONDER. Was this for real? What are the odds! I couldn’t believe it and yet I did. I also couldn’t refrain from not saying anything. I told the gentleman with the book about my dream, and after a brief but intense Soul bearing conversation he offered the book to me, just like that. By the Grace of God, I was humble enough to say “Yes” and accept such a thoughtful and generous gift from a stranger.

I not only read the book, I devoured it. Every word spoke to me, nourished me, taught me, opened my mind, and encouraged me. I KNEW in the core of my being God was speaking to me through this book. I KNEW that God was building me up on the inside with His Living Word and Truth to go down the path of resistance. I KNEW I would be disappointing “them and they”, but I also KNEW I would make God really really proud of me for finally listening to God and being obedient. 

In hindsight, this stranger might have very well been an angel, for they do come in all types of earthly guises. Sometimes you just get this feeling … Sometimes you just know when the Divine has set you up for success in Their Vision of your best life.

Yes. After much discernment, trepidation, angst, and a whole lotta prayer, by the Grace of God, I did get out of the boat, and, I lived to tell about it, despite all the resistance I received for doing so. Yes. The process had been melodramatic because no one was listening to me, which made me even more angry, and I felt it was the only way I could get my point across. No one was hurt physically, but emotionally Hearts and relationships were torn to bits and pieces. 

In this “getting out of the boat and walking on water” journey of faith, as long as I had my eyes and i focused on Jesus, I was doing just fine, no mater what was going on around me. As soon as I took my Heart’s gaze off of Him and focused onto the circumstances, “the facts” and the repercussions, my Spirit began to sink into and become overwhelmed by despair. By the Grace of God, as soon as I realized I was sinking, I  reached for Him and He always brought me up to the surface again. He is like that. He is always on call and always responds. It’s just that sometimes His Way and His response may be very different from what we expected. Be humble and open enough so that you can see and accept His help and love, always. 

Recently, at the library bookstore, I happened upon the book, again. Hmmm… It reminded me again just how much we are all Divinely loved, supported, valued, encouraged, empowered, guided, and blessed on this earthen sojourn.

He loves you more than you know. He wants a life of joy, peace, love, health, safety, wisdom, grace, and prosperity for you. Ask. Ask. Ask. Then DO as He says. God does need your cooperation. Amen

Side Note:    Anthony de Mello’s suggestion, which I think is wise, for raising strong and God-dependent children is to support them, AND also ask them how they feel about their accomplishments/projects (art, science, sport…)/progress. This helps to build them from the inside out rather than from the outside in.

Worship the Living God (Hebrews 9) and not dead idols,                                                   Irena As I Am and Mudryk, Divine Seaworthy Sailors                                                                 July 12, 2018

An Ode to America

  • I came to this country looking for adventure 
  • I found myself in many risky ventures

 

  • I came to this country hoping for wealth beyond measure 
  • In my voyage I discovered my deep Divine treasure 

 

  • I came to this country seeking solace and escape 
  • This only happened when my identity was reduced to novice, only then could I take shape 

 

  • I came to this country pursuing earthly riches 
  • Little did I know what awaited me were innumerous Spiritual transitions 

 

  • I came to this country with a heavy anit-USA bias
  • But over much time my Heart and Spirit to this land made a deep alliance 

 

  • As I travelled the land from sea to sea
  • I realized there was no difference between me and thee

 

  • In time I separated the people from the politics 
  • It dawned on me that being a world leader was no easy picnic 

 

  • As the years rolled on by and by
  • I felt less of an alien on the fourth of July

 

  • I began to notice my American tendencies 
  • I saw all my societal interdependencies 

 

  • Then one day on a return visit from abroad 
  • I realized, “This is my Home!”, and I was deeply awed

 

  • I saw I had been woven into the fabric of this country 
  • The wandering in the desert finally brought me into the land of milk and honey

 

  • This is the land where individualism is nourished 
  • Being hood, person hood, and self-expression are outwardly encouraged

 

  • The founding Mothers and Fathers rejected the yoke of the well-established crown 
  • They wanted to make their own rules in this new and virgin playground 

 

  • Brave they were when they took on the mighty monarchy 
  • Thus throwing out the entrenched blue blooded hierarchy 

 

  • In the Eye of our Creators everyone is a noble
  • Everyone is entitled to a seat at the banquet of the Divine social 

 

  • How grateful am I beyond words 
  • That the Flow of my life would grant me such rewards 

 

  • I came to this country feeling like a foreigner 
  • I now live and breathe in this land as a Soul Sojourner 

 

  • One nation under God we all pledge allegiance 
  • Living side by side in peace, respect, and kindness is our credence

 

God Bless America and All the Nations,                                                                        Irena As I Am and His Royal Highness Mudryk the Great                                                July 4, 2018, The 242nd Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, or Sovereignty

Serious

  • “Why are you so serious?”, people would often ask
  • This question perplexed me, as I stared back, my face a mask

 

  • “Why don’t you smile more?”, people would often suggest
  • How can I, I thought, I’m right in the middle of a major test

 

  • How could I convey my complex reasons 
  • When even I could not fathom my upcoming seasons 

 

  • But deep deep down in my Soul’s vapor
  • I knew many projects awaited my labor

 

  • Somehow I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me
  • Could I get it all done was no guarantee 

 

  • I had lessons to master and people to raise
  • And in this journey, I had become addicted to unConditional praise

 

  • I had become their puppet and their strings stretched deep into my mind
  • They payed me like a trumpet and their theories kept me completely blind 

 

  • My Heart tilled their sorrow filled fields with a heavy heavy plod
  • For the yoke of their well being upon my Spirit was a cold iron rod

 

  • It was a laden responsibility to bear
  • If only there were someone with whom I could this load share

 

  • In this world where Hearts are drowning from unConditional love
  • It was total acceptance that I sought from earth below and heaven above

 

  • Them and I, we, were deeply co-dependent
  • It seemed like this was going to be a life sentence 

 

  • The reason I was so serious was because the liberty of my Soul was at stake 
  • And this time round, I vowed, I am staying awake 

 

  • This time round the Cosmic Wheel of Life
  • I was going to rise above the strife

 

  • These Cosmic Lessons I did not want to repeat
  • Thus I chose to take the heat

 

  • By the Grace of God, a trusted Companion for this journey I did find 
  • He relieved all my pressures and took me out of the grind 

 

  • You may have heard of Him before
  • For He is the One who spread His arms in amour

 

  • From His speared side His Life Giving Water is there for all
  • Should they choose to accept His Heavenly windfall

 

  • From His speared side His Holy Blood washes the Spirit clean
  • Should they choose with Him to intimately convene

 

  • He is the One and Only One who saved my Soul 
  • And thus I hand over others for Him to console 
  • Amen  
  • IC•XC                                                                                        

 

  • Irena As I Am & Mudryk The Great
  • 06/29/2018

Step by Step

  • Step by Step, You have shown me The Way
  •    Step by Step, You have eased my dismay

 

  • Step by Step, You have kept me upright 
  •    Step by Step, You saved my life from fright

 

  • Step by Step, You have healed my Heart 
  •    Step by Step, You gave me another start

 

  • Step by Step, You led me to the heavenly crown jewels
  •    Step by Step, You gave me a life without rules 

 

  • Step by Step, You have your seeds in my Heart sown
  •    Step by Step, You have seen my faith grown 

 

  • Step by Step, with You I am no longer a cripple
  •    Step by Step, with You I have become your ardent pupil 

 

  • Step by Step, You have shown me the Light at the end of the tunnel
  •    Step by Step, You have me living in a Love funnel

 

  • Step by Step, You have helped me climb the mountain
  •    Step by Step, You have led me to the eternal fountain 

 

  • Step by Step, You have helped me become stronger and bolder
  •    Step by Step, You have lifted enormous weight off of my shoulder 

 

  • Step by Step, You have shown me my worthy 
  •    Step by Step, You have always been on my journey 

 

  • Step by Step, my fears you have subdued 
  •    Step by Step, with You my being is imbued 

 

  • Step by Step, by the Grace of God I shall continue 
  •   Step by Step, I love that my being is in You

 

  • I thought that my journey of trust would be one big leap of faith
  • And then I could just sit back and wait
  • LOL! 
  • But, oh my! Was I mistaken,
  • It is a day by day and moment by moment journey of the maiden

Irena As I Am & Mudryk                                                                                      06.21.2018

My Life Here

  • My life is here and not there
  • My life is finally for me to dare

 

  • If i were there
  • My Soul would wither in despair

 

  • If i were there
  • My Heart would atrophy from lack of air

 

  • If i were there
  • My Mind would suffocate from conversational bare

 

  • If i were there
  • My Spirit would tear beyond repair

 

  • There, i would be a fake
  • My Being living in constant authenticity ache 

 

  • I had been born to listen, obey, and please
  • By the Grace of God, I fulfilled all of my Soul duties 

 

  • I’ve paid my dues and put in my time
  • So that now I get to discover my Shine

 

  • By the Grace of God, I now have the liberty to do as I like 
  • I am learning what it means to have my own psych

 

  • As long as I am here
  • My Soul has my ear

 

  • As long as I am here
  • My Heart is very near

 

  • As long as I am here
  • My Mind has many tiers

 

  • As long as I am here
  • My Spirit is my sightseer

 

  • Here I am discovering me, As I Am
  • My Being is as happy as a pearl in a clam

 

  • Ahhh, Dear God, you have a moment, just one small itsy bitsy existential question…
  • What, oh what, path shall i take so that i do not make a missed take!?!
  • Oh Darlin’! Worry not, and lighten up those deep blue eyes,
  • The future is not for you to surmise 
  • Just take your foot off of the brake 
  • And as your Soul sails, follow Its joyful wake
  • All you need do is “worship the Living God”
  • And you will always be led with a Lovely Light rod

 

  • From the depths of my Soul,
  • “Eli! Eli! Why have You” loved me so deeply 
  • So as to liberate me completely
  • How can I ever repay You
  • For giving me my Soul, back to me.

It’s all Grace. It’s all a Gift, SweetHeart. You chose to accept it. You choose to do The Work. Worthy you are. It is there for All, should they so choose for themselves.

  • Irena As I Am                                                                                                                   06.13.2018

Post Mortem

  • I didn’t know if I was going to live or die
  • But if I had my preference, I would rather eternally lie

 

  • Those who were dearly departed, I envied
  • I may have been above ground, yet it felt like I was deeply buried

 

  • Life had sucked the blood out of me
  • All that remained was a hollow shell of a once thriving tree

 

  • I put all my affairs in perfect order
  • And then I waited for the executioner’s tightening quarter

 

  • I lived holding my breath
  • I went from day to day hoping for death

 

  • Some are afraid to die
  • But for me, life I could not ratify

 

  • Some pray for the dead,
  • But for me, living was the larger dread

 

  • To my surprise and disappointment too
  • Death did not come knocking on my door so soon

 

  • Since I did not make death’s short list
  • I guess life is still in my midst

 

  • But in looking up from my open grave
  • How do I live this life outside the cave

 

  • What is there for me to do and to be
  • Once one rises from a death on a tree

 

  • Love whispered softly into my Heart and Soul, 
  • “This SweetHeart you will discover as you Flow

 

  • Beautiful it will be
  • As long as you stay oh so close to Me

 

  • Whether you realize it or not, My Darling
  • The past eleven years you have been heeding My Voice like a starling”  IC•XC

Irena As I Am                                                                                                      06/11/2018

Soul Deep

  • Into the depths of my Soul I must go
  • Because life in the shallows is too much of a broadway show

 

  • In my Soul is where my treasure lies
  • And all the answers to life’s perplexing ties

 

  • The journey into the deep is not for the faint hearted 
  • As it will reveal all your ego’s perverted targets 

 

  • Then you must choose from all your idols 
  • Which ones to keep and which to bridle 

 

  • No one is so pure as to have no earthly clings
  • For it is in rings and things that make us queens and kings

 

  • But the deeper into my Soul I explore 
  • I discover that too many a trappings do not let my Spirit soar

 

  • The world tells me to spend spend spend, buy this and have that
  • For it is only then that I will be an aristocrat

 

  • But the more I buy the more weighted down I feel
  • For it is in Asceticism and Simplicity that my Soul is revealed 

 

  • Then one comes to that dreadful or liberating place
  • Where one has to choose what will be in the foremost space

 

  • It is at this juncture and on these scales 
  • That one discovers if one’s Soul is truly for sale 

 

  • Will it be the noise of the trophies, the glitter of the golden calves, and the much polished toys 
  • Or, 
  • Will it be the quiet whisperings of one’s Soul’s simple joys 

 

  • Judge not harshly, neither way is right or wrong 
  • For it is in the expense, expenditure, and experience of both that one discover’s their Soul’s song

 

  • “But as for me and my house”, this I know
  • The Flow of my Soul is what makes me aglow

irena as i am and Mudryk The Great

By the Grace of God

  • By the Grace of God i come
  • By the Grace of God i go
  • By the Grace of God my Heart beats 
  • without my know

 

  • By the Grace of God i laugh
  • By the Grace of God i cry
  • By the Grace of God my Soul flows
  • disregarding my shy

 

  • By the Grace of God i sleep
  • By the Grace of God i work
  • By the Grace of God my time flies
  • blessing me with Divine perks

 

  • By the Grace of God i dance
  • By the Grace of God i romance 
  • By the Grace of God my mind smirks
  • inducing me into a Divine trance

 

  • By the Grace of God i pray 
  • By the Grace of God i chant
  • By the Grace of God my Spirit knows advance
  • giving me the Divine as my confidante 

 

  • By the Grace of God i play my part
  • in this the Master’s Peace of Heart

irena as i am                                                                                                          05/27/2018

 

Fears on The Way

  • The fears i feared
  • come to pass they did not.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • kept me from taking a shot. (well, not always, only sometimes)

 

  • The fears i feared
  • bound me in a knot.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • confined my life to a dot.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • created much unnecessary distraught.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • held me as the victim in my life’s plot.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • ruled me by religious and societal oughts and naughts.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • anchored and grounded my life’s yacht.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • in truth did not come as i thought.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • through them many lessons was i taught.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • revealed to me who was not sir lancelot.

 

  • The fears i feared
  • some of them served me to untie the love not.

 

  • To be fair,
  • The fears i feared,
  • i must admit, that some had kept me very safe.

 

  • Yes, there were the phantom fears which did not come to pass. 
  • But instead,

 

  • Unexpected bumps, blocks, and boulders 
  • had shown up on my way.

 

  • Unusual people and circumstances and wild goose chases 
  • had kept me oh so busy and at bay.

 

  • My limited vision, overactive mind, and others’ expectations 
  • had way too much sway.

 

  • My dreams, my plans, my hopes, my desires, and my rising
  • knew only delay upon delay.
  • (Although i now see they too were Divinely Ordained.)
  • I burnt bridges, tore down walls, and cut all chords
  • leaving me totally unencumbered, and a stray.

 

  • My deepest and fondest alliances and allegiances 
  • had lay in utter decay, with many hearts bleeding from betray.

 

  • Nothing was certain, nothing was solid
  • everything was fluid, slipping, and passing away.

 

  • All of life had come to a halt 
  • so that my eyes could, and finally would, see, the new path way.

 

  • My dearest friends and sojourners, 
  • I can now say,
  • Do not despair at what you can not see
  • For God’s reel is the real screen play.

irena as i am                                                                                                       05/21/2008