Tiramisu for Breakfast, Lunch…AND Dinner!

Once upon a time, in another era of my life I feasted on tiramisu for breakfast, lunch… AND dinner. Oh my! Was I on a continual sugar high.

  • I looked forward to the next delicious, but not nutritious meal.
  • I looked forward to the smooth, velvety and creamy cake escape.
  • I looked forward to being filled and fueled by emptiness.
  • I looked forward to the soothing feeling of contentment, even though it was fleeting and temporary.
  • I looked forward to getting it my way and getting away with something not socially acceptable. I was being bad, bad, bad. And nobody could stop me.
  • I looked forward to not thinking about proper meal planning. This was easy: go to Costco and get a large double pack tiramisu cake. Who needed fresh fruit, crunchy vegetables, brown rice…balance shmalance! I was on the indulgence train.
  • I looked forward to not having to face my feelings, emotions, reality, life, choices, relationships and ME!
  • Sugar had become my drug of choice.
  • Sugar had become my self-medicated means of managing life.
  • Sugar had become my feeling suppressant.
  • And, unlike cocaine, sugar was(is) socially acceptable and readily available. It is in everything – even salad dressing –  yes, let’s sprinkle some sugar on our kale and spinach.

Then by the Grace of God, that “Still Small (but very persistent and instant) Voice” within became  louder and more pronounced. The scale also had a word or two with me and gave me an unapproving look, as did my clothes which became much more snug.             I reached a point where I had little respect for me. I was also disappointed in myself for the lack of discipline and wise stewardship toward the Divine Gift of my Body.

Around that time I was receiving Reiki healing treatments.  During one such healing session I was lamenting, complaining and whining about certain patterns/paradigms of behavior on my  part, others’ toward me, and my inability to break thru. The Reiki practitioner suggested that I do a twenty one day food cleanse/fast of eating only healthy, whole, wholesome and nutritious food: Clean Food. She also said that fasting brings about miracles. She was right.

The lists below are a hybrid of the original suggestion by the Reiki practitioner, and  my modifications over the years as I have strived to eat healthy, whole, nutritious, nourishing, alive, and integrity food.

That meant that for twenty one days, I was to cut out:

  • white flour and/or yeast food
  • white rice (white flour and white rice have no nutritional value – they fill the void in the belly but do not nourish and fuel the body with wholesome nutrition)
  • white flour pasta
  • fast food
  • GMO food (GMO online definition: “The abbreviation for genetically modified organism. A GMO is an organism whose genome has been altered by the techniques of genetic engineering so that its DNA contains one or more genes not normally found there.”)  GMO food really messes with the biology of one’s body. I call it “chemical food”.
  • sugar, corn syrup, artificial sweetener
  • alcohol, caffeine, pop/soda
  • processed chocolate
  • processed, MSG, and/or preservative food
  • dairy, cheese, butter, ice-cream
  • lunch meat
  • pork
  • red meat
  • eggs
  • salad dressing (most have sugar)
  • mayonnaise, ketchup (sugar)
  • blue/green/yellow food coloring colored food
  • processed fruit juices

I was in shock and had thought to myself, “what was left to eat?”. My ego rebelled and tried to convince me that I would starve, be malnourished and possibly even DIE if I attempted this Eating Clean journey. Yes, the ego can get very melodramatic and scare us off before we even try.

It took me three months to mentally prepare, convince, and psych myself up for the fast/cleanse. It also helped that 2012 Easter Great Lent was approaching and that was a strong impetus. I felt like there would be others fasting and I would not be alone in denying goodies to myself. O woe was me!

The hardest part of the Eating Clean journey was deciding to do it. The mind debate  and the ego temper tantrums that revolt against any drastic change can create very dramatic life/death consequences and doomsday scenarios in the mind. I had to convince myself and my mind that I was not going to “die”. The adage of “don’t believe everything you think” was being whispered to me by Heavenly Angels, over and over and over and over. They are so patient and graceful with us.

Plus, a huge dollop of GRACE helped.

The first two weeks were extremely challenging. In those first two weeks I just kept focusing on what I was denying myself, what I was missing out on, and my food “hardships”. Yes, the ego loves to really highlight the struggle rather than shine a light on the good that will eventually ensue. However,  by day eighteen or so I was on a roll and liking it. I was beginning to feel good about myself and the journey I was on. Around that time I  heard in my Heart “I fasted for 40 days would you do 40 days for Me too”. Ah! Really Jesus! It was less of an invitation and more of a Divine Directive. Again, the inner resistance, but I did. It helped that I was journaling and mediating daily by this point. Ironically, as I got into the thirty plus days of the fast, my ego kicked in again but this time with a Tarzan complex. My ego thought let’s see if we an go more than forty days. We did. We went for forty four days!

In this Eating Clean journey I completely overhauled my food relationship and pantry. I discovered new food, a new way of eating, and as a result a new way of relating with my self and others. I felt stronger. I had more clarity. I was more emotionally balanced. I slept better too.

As my nourishment become wholesome, so did my life and relationships. As I dropped unhealthy food, so too did unhealthy relationships drop. As I dropped artificial food, so too did anything artificial drop from my life. The food that I could have on the twenty one day Eating Clean journey was as follows:

  • all the fruits and veggies I wanted (preferably organic)
  • a meal could include a whole head of broccoli or cauliflower  or another veggie of choice
  • brown rice as it takes out toxins
  • quinoa as it is a grain with high nutrients and protein, plus it grows in high altitudes and is a hardy grain. I needed to get my attitude into the higher altitudes and become more hardy. You are what you eat.
  • almond milk (non-sweetened kind)
  • brown rice crackers
  • quinoa crackers
  • rye crackers
  • brown rice or bean chips
  • wholesome rye bead
  • Ezekiel or Essene bread
  • extra virgin olive oil, balsamic or apple cider vinegar, fresh squeezed lemon juice as dressings or garnishing
  • humus
  • sparkling water/mineral water with lemon
  • kombucha (“GT” makes a high integrity kind – they are fanatics about keeping the energy clean and pure and wholesome in their distilleries. Also, the original scoby is traced back to a Buddhist nun. Now that is some Omsomeness! )
  • sweetener options: agave nectar,  pure honey
  • smoothies – live and wholesome ingredients
  • cacao powder: pure and non-alkaline or non-dutch processed
  • nut butters for protein
  • tart cherry concentrate to add to water or sparkling water
  • wild caught fish
  • chickens raised with respect (no hormones nor antibiotics and room to roam)

I have over the years modified the above list to include the following:

  • eggs from pasture raised chickens  (no hormones nor antibiotics, natural feed, and chickens who roam outdoors under the sun, chickens that can stretch their wings, chickens that can scratch the earth and feast on grass, worms, and bugs)
  • beef or buffalo that is raised with respect and in pastures (no hormones nor antibiotics, natural feed)
  • whole/fair trade food: In this way I am contributing in a small but significant manner to someone else in a different part of the world receiving a living wage/salary. I am contributing to their dignity and giving value to their work. Imagine if everyone did that.
  • ANIMAL FRIENDLY PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS and home cleaning products: Use products that do not test on animals. Products that are FREE of cruelty and meanness. Keep in mind that energy does get transferred into the products and then into the energy field of the user and their home.

I have observed that when I began to eat whole and real food that I did not need to eat as much. The food that I began eating was filled with nutrients and my body became satiated and nourished with less food. Thus, because of the greater quality in the food, the quantity of food that I ate was reduced significantly. I also stopped taking vitamins.

Initially when I began the Eating Clean journey I balked at the price or cost of food, especially the organic food. But then on the inside I heard a Voice say, “You are focusing on the wrong point. How much does it “cost” to fix a body  ailment in the conventional medicine route? How much agony and uneasiness is there in that journey because of unwise stewardship.” Got it. Point understood. Thank You!

Also, around that time in our church we had a visiting Priest from Haiti who was collecting money for the orphanages. He used to be a C-level executive before he got “the call”. I remember him saying that what was once his monthly expense report for travel, meals and entertainment, was now his whole annual salary for his mission work in Haiti. In his homily which centered around his journey and the conditions in the orphanages, for some reason he said, and I still remember it many years later, “Eat at Whole Foods. It is good/wholesome food. It is good for you” What! Really! Did I just hear that! Those words washed over me and took root in me.

After my cleanse was over I did allow myself an occasional treat of what I then called “junk food”. Over time I revised the term with a euphemism of “fun food”.  Today, I turn to  “fun food fixes” less and less, and if I do then it means I have some serious soul searching that I have been avoiding.

As I began eating whole food, my conversation and relationship with myself and others began being more Whole, Wholesome, Gentle, Graceful, and Real. I encountered other people, articles, and conversations  who were on a nutritional cleanse and that gave me a boost to continue on. I call them Divinely anointed and appointed conversations.

Thus, if you want a more simple, pure and nourishing life, start with how you nourish your body. You and your life are a reflection of what you eat!

God’s Good Graces and Delicious & Nutritious Food for You,                                Abundant Grace, Wisdom, & Love for the Journey,                                                                       Irena As I Am and Mudryk the Angel                                                                               July 13, 2018


My Dream Boat

Once upon a time… when everything was in shambles and I had no clue as to what to do next, God sent me “clues, hints, winks, and synchronicities” on my journey. At that time one of my majors in the University of Life was detaching and disengaging from being a “people pleaser”, not succumbing to the “need to please”, having the strength to say “No” and stick to it, and having the courage to do something that I knew would upset many people, many many many people. I had on my shoulders the weight of letting everyone down if I were to proceed down a certain path. Oh my Holy Word! What a time of great testing that was. 

Anthony de Mello’s book “Walking on Water” was my lifeline and saving grace. In one section he spoke about us being addicted to the praise of others and it being the equivalent of a cocaine addiction (I think that is the drug he referred to). It is fed to us at a very early age and our psyche and sense of self-worth is deeply conditioned to it. It is the carrot and stick schtick of praise, disapproval, “the disapproving eye”, and/or the lavishing or withholding of love. Once we taste it, once we are conditioned to it, we crave it and we’ll do anything to keep getting it – love and adoration –  at any cost to our deep inner sense. Before we even know what is going on, we are hooked subconsciously and unaware.

 Rather than going within or to God for approval we look for the validation from others which is a very dangerous and precarious position to put ourselves in. We become slaves and at the mercy of another and another’s fickle and unConditional love, rather than God’s total acceptance of us and  our own acceptance of us. At that time, I was, or rather, God was weaning me from this self-destructive and self-demeaning “drug”.

I had a major decision to make – I could either stay put or have “everyone/they” be upset with me and disappointed in me for taking a different path. I wouldn’t be just “rocking the boat”, I’d be turning it upside down, axing it to pieces, and then burning it. 

  • What to do?
  • What to do?
  • Oh Dear God! What do I do?

In the midst of this conundrum, one night I had a dream. In the dream the message was “if you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat”. It was a strong and deep dream, and upon waking, my whole Being was imbued with its message. I knew the direction that the dream was prophesying for me. I just did not know if I had the strength to see it through. 

That day I happened to be flying out of town. While I was standing in the TSA security line, my gaze was directed toward the mesh end-pocket of a duffel bag that a gentleman in front of me had over his shoulder. To my astonishment and bewilderment the cover had a picture of a boat in the water and the title read, “If You Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat”. I was in total AWE & WONDER. Was this for real? What are the odds! I couldn’t believe it and yet I did. I also couldn’t refrain from not saying anything. I told the gentleman with the book about my dream, and after a brief but intense Soul bearing conversation he offered the book to me, just like that. By the Grace of God, I was humble enough to say “Yes” and accept such a thoughtful and generous gift from a stranger.

I not only read the book, I devoured it. Every word spoke to me, nourished me, taught me, opened my mind, and encouraged me. I KNEW in the core of my being God was speaking to me through this book. I KNEW that God was building me up on the inside with His Living Word and Truth to go down the path of resistance. I KNEW I would be disappointing “them and they”, but I also KNEW I would make God really really proud of me for finally listening to God and being obedient. 

In hindsight, this stranger might have very well been an angel, for they do come in all types of earthly guises. Sometimes you just get this feeling … Sometimes you just know when the Divine has set you up for success in Their Vision of your best life.

Yes. After much discernment, trepidation, angst, and a whole lotta prayer, by the Grace of God, I did get out of the boat, and, I lived to tell about it, despite all the resistance I received for doing so. Yes. The process had been melodramatic because no one was listening to me, which made me even more angry, and I felt it was the only way I could get my point across. No one was hurt physically, but emotionally Hearts and relationships were torn to bits and pieces. 

In this “getting out of the boat and walking on water” journey of faith, as long as I had my eyes and i focused on Jesus, I was doing just fine, no mater what was going on around me. As soon as I took my Heart’s gaze off of Him and focused onto the circumstances, “the facts” and the repercussions, my Spirit began to sink into and become overwhelmed by despair. By the Grace of God, as soon as I realized I was sinking, I  reached for Him and He always brought me up to the surface again. He is like that. He is always on call and always responds. It’s just that sometimes His Way and His response may be very different from what we expected. Be humble and open enough so that you can see and accept His help and love, always. 

Recently, at the library bookstore, I happened upon the book, again. Hmmm… It reminded me again just how much we are all Divinely loved, supported, valued, encouraged, empowered, guided, and blessed on this earthen sojourn.

He loves you more than you know. He wants a life of joy, peace, love, health, safety, wisdom, grace, and prosperity for you. Ask. Ask. Ask. Then DO as He says. God does need your cooperation. Amen

Side Note:    Anthony de Mello’s suggestion, which I think is wise, for raising strong and God-dependent children is to support them, AND also ask them how they feel about their accomplishments/projects (art, science, sport…)/progress. This helps to build them from the inside out rather than from the outside in.

Worship the Living God (Hebrews 9) and not dead idols,                                                   Irena As I Am and Mudryk, Divine Seaworthy Sailors                                                                 July 12, 2018


  • “Why are you so serious?”, people would often ask
  • This question perplexed me, as I stared back, my face a mask


  • “Why don’t you smile more?”, people would often suggest
  • How can I, I thought, I’m right in the middle of a major test


  • How could I convey my complex reasons 
  • When even I could not fathom my upcoming seasons 


  • But deep deep down in my Soul’s vapor
  • I knew many projects awaited my labor


  • Somehow I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me
  • Could I get it all done was no guarantee 


  • I had lessons to master and people to raise
  • And in this journey, I had become addicted to unConditional praise


  • I had become their puppet and their strings stretched deep into my mind
  • They payed me like a trumpet and their theories kept me completely blind 


  • My Heart tilled their sorrow filled fields with a heavy heavy plod
  • For the yoke of their well being upon my Spirit was a cold iron rod


  • It was a laden responsibility to bear
  • If only there were someone with whom I could this load share


  • In this world where Hearts are drowning from unConditional love
  • It was total acceptance that I sought from earth below and heaven above


  • Them and I, we, were deeply co-dependent
  • It seemed like this was going to be a life sentence 


  • The reason I was so serious was because the liberty of my Soul was at stake 
  • And this time round, I vowed, I am staying awake 


  • This time round the Cosmic Wheel of Life
  • I was going to rise above the strife


  • These Cosmic Lessons I did not want to repeat
  • Thus I chose to take the heat


  • By the Grace of God, a trusted Companion for this journey I did find 
  • He relieved all my pressures and took me out of the grind 


  • You may have heard of Him before
  • For He is the One who spread His arms in amour


  • From His speared side His Life Giving Water is there for all
  • Should they choose to accept His Heavenly windfall


  • From His speared side His Holy Blood washes the Spirit clean
  • Should they choose with Him to intimately convene


  • He is the One and Only One who saved my Soul 
  • And thus I hand over others for Him to console 
  • Amen  
  • IC•XC                                                                                        


  • Irena As I Am & Mudryk The Great
  • 06/29/2018

Fears on The Way

  • The fears i feared
  • come to pass they did not.


  • The fears i feared
  • kept me from taking a shot. (well, not always, only sometimes)


  • The fears i feared
  • bound me in a knot.


  • The fears i feared
  • confined my life to a dot.


  • The fears i feared
  • created much unnecessary distraught.


  • The fears i feared
  • held me as the victim in my life’s plot.


  • The fears i feared
  • ruled me by religious and societal oughts and naughts.


  • The fears i feared
  • anchored and grounded my life’s yacht.


  • The fears i feared
  • in truth did not come as i thought.


  • The fears i feared
  • through them many lessons was i taught.


  • The fears i feared
  • revealed to me who was not sir lancelot.


  • The fears i feared
  • some of them served me to untie the love not.


  • To be fair,
  • The fears i feared,
  • i must admit, that some had kept me very safe.


  • Yes, there were the phantom fears which did not come to pass. 
  • But instead,


  • Unexpected bumps, blocks, and boulders 
  • had shown up on my way.


  • Unusual people and circumstances and wild goose chases 
  • had kept me oh so busy and at bay.


  • My limited vision, overactive mind, and others’ expectations 
  • had way too much sway.


  • My dreams, my plans, my hopes, my desires, and my rising
  • knew only delay upon delay.
  • (Although i now see they too were Divinely Ordained.)
  • I burnt bridges, tore down walls, and cut all chords
  • leaving me totally unencumbered, and a stray.


  • My deepest and fondest alliances and allegiances 
  • had lay in utter decay, with many hearts bleeding from betray.


  • Nothing was certain, nothing was solid
  • everything was fluid, slipping, and passing away.


  • All of life had come to a halt 
  • so that my eyes could, and finally would, see, the new path way.


  • My dearest friends and sojourners, 
  • I can now say,
  • Do not despair at what you can not see
  • For God’s reel is the real screen play.

irena as i am                                                                                                       05/21/2008

No TV for Me

I am humbly proud to say that I have bee tv free for four years now.

It happened around the same time that I was doing my best to distance myself from white four, sugar, processed food, and all other non-integrity nourishment, on all levels and areas. I now call it “The GREAT SPRING CLEANING of 2014 “. That was when I had dubbed myself the Queen of Clean.

The TV had been energetically dirty, contaminated, unclean. Thus, I donated it after purifying it with sage, incense and Holy Water.

Now, this space and my home represent  peace, silence, perspective, tranquility, and time to really reflect, heal, process, and move forward. Most importantly however, this is a space and place where I am able to better hear the gentle whisperings of the Divine World. My home is my sanctuary and my sacred space for wholeness and holiness.

Initially however I did not feel that way. Initially, 

  • I was in shock as I went into noise pollution withdrawal.
  • I was uncomfortable and uneasy as my mind numbing agent and Spirit Suppressing noise box was gone.
  • I didn’t know what to do with myself when I wanted to decompress, tune out, or have my mind go into a vegetative state.
  • I felt awkward and weird and out of sorts with the rest of society.
  • When I woke late at night I was forced to  face/hear why I was awoken by the Divine Realm and what they were trying to tell me. Whereas in the past, I would tune them out, and drown them out by tuning into the tv hole.
  • I fidgeted, felt deprived, and almost had the shakes.

I had no where to run and hide from me and the emotions and issues that were welling up from the inside of me. But then I stuck with it, I persevered and I did not allow those discomfort feelings to sway me, control me, have power over me nor change my course.

I also noticed something very interesting over the course of the next year. I observed myself in situations when I was in the presence of a tv and pleasing shifts happened.

  1. While traveling and in a hotel room, I did not feel the need to turn on the tv, nor did I tv binge. Instead, I took the time to FEEL the energy of the trip and all the sights, sounds, conversations, experiences, messages and lessons. I soaked it all up –  every drop of life into my bones.  I had the time and space to process life, and rest too.
  2. While staying in someone’s home, again, I did not feel the need to watch tv. I do remember TRYING to watch tv, but it felt like a chore and a waste of time. If my hosts were watching tv, I could only tolerate it for so long (15 to 30 minutes) before I had to leave the room. There was so much noise and created drama that I went into sensory overload.
  3. My Greek Orthodox neighbors were going to Holy Friday Services and asked me if I would sit with their canine companion whom I will call Ms. Tabitha. I did. My mind was not in a place where I could read and focus, thus, I turned on the tv to one of my favorite channels in my life before tv: HGTV. I used to get a kick out of watching  couple dynamics while choosing a home OR watching the wonderful renovation transformations. Hmmmm… maybe because at that time my life was also undergoing major renovations/transformations; thus these shows appealed to me. Then something interesting happened. After about 35/40 minutes, I felt “blah”. I felt brain fog. I felt mesmerized, entranced and hypnotized. Thus, instead I looked at Ms. Tabitha and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. Does one need to ask a dog twice if they want to go for a walk? On the walk, we met up with another neighbor walking their dog and we had a really good conversation: two people connected and so did the two dogs. Upon our return, I returned again to HGTV: round two.This time the above symptoms got worse and the shows really did not hold my interest. I guess I am cured of HGTV! When I got home, I felt so good being in my tranquil quiet space, my peaceful home sanctuary. Thank You my good neighbors and Ms.Tabitha for this invaluable experience. I now have tv closure as there were still small wonderings of whether I “should” have a tv. After all, doesn’t everyone. Now I am grateful that I am not “normal” when it comes to tv ownership. Hmmm…. perhaps this was one of His Gifts on Orthodox Holy Friday. Through the Holy Spirit, They let me know and confirmed Their view/will of Their best version of my life.

And one more tv story: While at a friends home and because of college associations they really wanted to watch the basketball finals. The tv was on for only about an hour. But afterwards I felt  over-stimulated, over-exposed exposed, over sensitized  and somewhat drained. So so so so much information is crammed into such a little fraction of time.

During the one hour tv experience I also felt  energetically “violated” by all the negative commercials, especially the pharmaceutical ones. I feel that the pharmaceutical commercials/messages plant self-fulfilling prophecies or “symptom seeds” in the psyches of people to have the “experience” for which they happen to have the “cure”.

I do my best to expose my self to only clean clean clean thoughts, conversations, images, books, websites, articles and advertising. But while watching tv I had been “force fed” info, images, thoughts, and messages. Truthfully, I allowed it because I could have very easily left the room. I was not a victim. I was an active participant in my demise. In writing this, I am also now realizing how I had compromised my values in “sitting there” and not removing myself from an unhealthy situation.

“But, where sin (missing the mark/target) abounded, grace did much more abound” Romans 5:20

“And, we know that all things work together for good to them that love God” Romans 8:28

When I am at peace and well, I radiate wellness to all and in the space that I occupy on this Planet Earth. It is my way of contributing to Peace. Now, peace and silence reign. I do from time to time get DVDs from the library. But even that is rare.

Success Formula:

  • 1/3 Holy Spirit Promptings/Nudges
  • 1/3 GRACE
  • 1/3 Personal Will, Wise Choices and commitment.

I pray that whatever changes you are contemplating – being nudged toward – that Grace strengthens you and that you commit to a life of greater well being, peace, integrity, love and joy. So heal and help you God.

Abundant Grace to All,                                                                                                  Irena As I Am                                                                                                      05/14/2018


Apple of My i

  • I loved you because you were the one.
  • I loved you because you were my sun.
  • I loved you because you were all, and more,
  • Than I ever could have hoped for. 
  • I loved you because you were exciting and daring.
  • Come to think of it, and a double smidge erring.
  • I needed the drama and trauma.
  • I needed the chiseling and sniveling.
  • I needed an escape hatch,
  • and so unto you I latched.
  • But in my youthful exuberance, I failed to see, 
  • that I would become entangled and entrapped without a key.
  • In time the snare grew tighter and tighter,
  • making me weaker, and mightier.
  • And so,
  • I loved you until I was all loved out.
  • I loved you until my well ran dry
  • Ioved you until I had to live or die.
  • I loved you until my Soul I could not deny.
  • Then the journey of a lifetime began
  • Our Soul Contract I had to disband.
  • You were my master, and I was your slave.
  • You called the shots, and I gladly obeyed.
  • I hithered, and thithered, 
  • running myself into a withered fritter.
  • Aiming to please was my only desire 
  • Lest you give me an eye full of fire.
  • God gave me the strength of an ox
  • And used it I did hauling all your rocks.
  • God gave me an intellect clear as light,
  • And shine it I did, unto the night of your plight.
  • This way I would have continued for everlasting eternity 
  • But for some unbeknownst reason to me, Love gave me pity.
  • From Their crown, Love looked down and said, “Enough!”.
  • And a mighty hand grabbed me by the scruff.
  • Pulled me up and out They did,
  • Showed me my Heart that was hid.
  • Then They told me to fly fly fly,
  • And always keep Love as the apple of my i.

Irena As I Am                                                                                                      05/12/2018

The God Channel

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person    talkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalks talkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalks

and then


some more?

After about a twenty to thirty minute monologue, they may ask you how you are doing and you begin to tell them but they interject because they have a story around your story, and the next thing you know you are on their word treadmill, yet again, as they

talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk     and then                                                                                                         talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk,       some more.

When the conversation ends they say, “It sure was nice talking to you.”

I reply, “Yes, it was nice speaking with you.” After all, I did manage to get a few words in.

It truly was not a two way conversation. It was just a one way verbal flurry, or more like an avalanche of words words words… There was no two way exchange to thoughts, ideas, emotions, dreams, joys, sorrows. It was just a one way soliloquy on this and that. I used think that my listening to others was a Gift of Service, a listening ministry. But that is until my cup runneth dry. Much of the time I felt drained and used. The other person on the other hand said they had felt much better. Now, I am much more discerning and aware about how much time I allocate to this listening ministry.

It dawned on me one day that perhaps God might feel this way too with my constant prayers going upward. It dawned on me that maybe God too got tired of always listening to me. It dawned on me that maybe I should try listening to God, a downward form of prayer. After all, it was God who knit me, formed me, sustains me, and knows me even better than anyone, including and especially myself. It dawned on me that rather than always asking God to change me, others, or the situation, that perhaps it might be a good idea in hearing what God’s perspective was on me, everything, and everyone. After all, God is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. God was before there was a was. God will be if and when there never will be a be. God sees the full picture of my life from beginning to end. God sees the full picture of the whole Universe. Thereby, it just might be a good idea to get directions from God and make any necessary adjustments to myself – rather than asking God to change others or the situation.

But how can one do that if one is totally focused on talking and not listening? How can one do that if one is full of their own agenda and themselves? There is no room in the ego for listening and hearing, let alone doing what the Divine is attempting to transmit to us. That is unless one makes it a daily practice to listen to God. That is unless one becomes committed to being open, receptive, deciphering, and responsive to Divine Guidance.This is a Gift. But more importantly, in order to activate the Gift, it takes time, energy, commitment, and willingness on our part to learn to listen to God, to mediate.

The Way to know God is to listen to God, and then do as God asks. This is the way of meditation. In meditation we LISTEN to God.

Prayer is good and necessary, more so for us and for our Hearts than it is for God. God does not really “need” our prayers, it is we who need the transformative power of prayer. But prayer is us talking to God. It is our one way communication TO God, but not WITH God. Meditation makes it a two way conversation. 

In a good relationship, communication flows both ways: both parties get their chance to speak and listen, respectfully. It is the same with our Divine Relationship. We take the time to both speak and listen, attentively and with open and humble Hearts.

 It is GOOD to listen to God. It is life giving to take the time to listen to God. God’s wisdom and healing will come through to those who take the time to listen to God, to mediate.

Listen to God by meditating daily in the morning and evening. This is how you tune into The God Channel. This is how you will channel God into your Mind, Heart, Spirit, Being and life. It is worth the time investment. God has your life better figured out than you ever could. God is your best advisor.

Meditate and Grace will abound in your Beinghood & Life,                                             Irena As I Am                                                                                                      05/10/2018

Mind Games for Mind Mining

Sometimes, I feel like 80% of my job is to retrain my mind and thought patterns on the new. And then. Stay there. Stay focused. Keep it from wandering back to the old and familiar.

The grooves in our mind are like well established deer tracks. Our  thought patterns keep wanting to go down that old existing path: the familiar, the comfortable, the known, the tried, the true, the tested, the safe. But all it does is keep us in a holding pattern.

In the beginning it takes a tremendous amount of energy to create new deer tracks, thought patterns, and brain grooves so as to create a new vibrational patten, a new frequency, a new projection, a new paradigm and eventually, a new manifestation, or, womanifestation.

Eventfully the old deer path becomes overgrown with grass and shrubs due to a lack of use, focus, or attention. Eventually the old brain patterns fade into nothingness and the grooves become smoothed over.

And voila! One’s brain has been retrained. What once was foreign becomes familiar. What once was a dream becomes material, matter.

Or, another example, it’s like a rocket launch. It takes a tremendous amount of fuel and energy to get out of the Earth’s atmosphere. It takes a tremendous amount of focus, determination, and energy to rise above the ‘downward gravitational pull’ . This term is is a euphemism that I use for for that “other side”, the shadow side. It refers to the one who prowls around and whispers doubts into the Minds and Hearts of Earth Sojourners. It alludes to the one whose job it is to build and test our Faith muscle.  You know who I am talking about without my naming that energy. All you need to do is remember this: the fear tactic – it’s all smoke and mirrors.

Keep your eyes/i’s on the prize!

In the launch phase it is essential and very critical time to remain very focused on one thing and one thing only.

  1. Getting one’s tush into that space and place where things become “easy”, where there is no gravity and one is in maintenance mode. 
  2. Getting into that place and space where eventually little fuel and energy take one far into the galaxy.

Is it a lot of WORK initially? You betcha!

Is there a great temptation to quit, to give up? Oh yeah!

Is the eventual reward worth it? Even though it may take months and years! Do you even gotta ask? Have you seen the view from above? Have you seen some of the magnificent photos from the Hubble telescope? It’s the place and space where You and the Divine are in a very close and intimate dance of living, loving, creating, expressing, being, and simply Flowing.

This is the Kingdom of Heaven within being brought forth to the rest of humanity. This is the where the Gates of the Garden of Eden have been opened up and Creation and the Creator nourish humanity with Divine Fruit.

Happy new trails to you. Happy rocket launches to you. Happy Divine journeys to you. Delicious & Blessed Divine Fruit.                                                                                    Irena As I Am                                                                                                      05/03/2018

i am

i am spiritual, and religious

i am woman, and man

i am moon, and sun

i am peace, and rage

i am drought, and rain

i am love, and hate

i am joy, and sorrow

i am soft as a rose petal,

and sharp as the thorn

i am open, and closed

i am vulnerable, and unattainable

i am teacher, and student

i am master, and novice

i am raw, and polished 

i am tamed, and wild

i am bold, and meek

i am, as i am

i am, that as HE, 

The One, asks of me


irena as i am                                                                                                       04/30/2018                                                                                                                      on the night of the full moon

Where Art Thou, O My Soul

  • I looked for you hither,
  • And  I looked for you tither. 


  • I scurried about in a panic-stricken slither,
  • As you waited quietly for me in my innards. 


  • You were not in the glitz, glamour, and shimmer,
  • Nor were you in my ego’s vigor.


  • You were not in the snap of a picture,
  • Nor were you in the polished figure.


  • You were not in the other and other and other,
  • Nor were you in the embrace of a lover.


  • Nonetheless, I rowed frantically up and down river,
  • My efforts getting bolder and bigger.


  • All the while, i did not hear you whisper,
  • That all i need do, is look in the i of the mirror.


  • And there you, my Soul, were delivered. 
  • Reunited once more we were, and i finally rested, exhausted and bewildered.

Irena As I Am                                                                                                         04/25/2018