Mind Games for Mind Mining

Sometimes, I feel like 80% of my job is to retrain my mind and thought patterns on the new. And then. Stay there. Stay focused. Keep it from wandering back to the old and familiar.

The grooves in our mind are like well established deer tracks. Our  thought patterns keep wanting to go down that old existing path: the familiar, the comfortable, the known, the tried, the true, the tested, the safe. But all it does is keep us in a holding pattern.

In the beginning it takes a tremendous amount of energy to create new deer tracks, thought patterns, and brain grooves so as to create a new vibrational patten, a new frequency, a new projection, a new paradigm and eventually, a new manifestation, or, womanifestation.

Eventfully the old deer path becomes overgrown with grass and shrubs due to a lack of use, focus, or attention. Eventually the old brain patterns fade into nothingness and the grooves become smoothed over.

And voila! One’s brain has been retrained. What once was foreign becomes familiar. What once was a dream becomes material, matter.

Or, another example, it’s like a rocket launch. It takes a tremendous amount of fuel and energy to get out of the Earth’s atmosphere. It takes a tremendous amount of focus, determination, and energy to rise above the ‘downward gravitational pull’ . This term is is a euphemism that I use for for that “other side”, the shadow side. It refers to the one who prowls around and whispers doubts into the Minds and Hearts of Earth Sojourners. It alludes to the one whose job it is to build and test our Faith muscle.  You know who I am talking about without my naming that energy. All you need to do is remember this: the fear tactic – it’s all smoke and mirrors.

Keep your eyes/i’s on the prize!

In the launch phase it is essential and very critical time to remain very focused on one thing and one thing only.

  1. Getting one’s tush into that space and place where things become “easy”, where there is no gravity and one is in maintenance mode. 
  2. Getting into that place and space where eventually little fuel and energy take one far into the galaxy.

Is it a lot of WORK initially? You betcha!

Is there a great temptation to quit, to give up? Oh yeah!

Is the eventual reward worth it? Even though it may take months and years! Do you even gotta ask? Have you seen the view from above? Have you seen some of the magnificent photos from the Hubble telescope? It’s the place and space where You and the Divine are in a very close and intimate dance of living, loving, creating, expressing, being, and simply Flowing.

This is the Kingdom of Heaven within being brought forth to the rest of humanity. This is the where the Gates of the Garden of Eden have been opened up and Creation and the Creator nourish humanity with Divine Fruit.

Happy new trails to you. Happy rocket launches to you. Happy Divine journeys to you. Delicious & Blessed Divine Fruit.                                                                                    Irena As I Am                                                                                                      05/03/2018


I am outraged! 

My blood is curldling!

My spirit is revolting!


My Heart is weeping!

How could they!?! 

How dare they!?!

Imagine someone having the gentle cure, the thorough medicine, the easy remedy, to plagues that have plagued humanity over the centuries, and withholding it from the masses. Think of the lives it would have saved and the pain it could have spared. Think of the mass fear and hysteria it could have preempted. Think of the progress that could have been made but was not because time, resources, energy, focus was being directed at crisis management rather than on progress and growth. 

Imagine that there is hunger amongst the masses for food, for sustenance, and  for nourishment. Imagine that the masses are plagued by lack, scarcity, and a “not enough” mentality, yet, there is plenty but it is stored away and kept at bay. 

In our earthly timeline, imagine that a group of people had the cure or the knowledge or the insight or the vaccine for such epidemics as the cholera, the bubonic plague, typhoid fever, small pox, measles, mumps, rubella, polio, HIV/AIDS, and the most current one, cancer, and they are holding it back. They are holding it back because they want people living in fear. They are holding it back because they want to control people’s lives and keep them subdued. They are holing it back because they want the masses under their dominion, or as Mick Jagger and Keith Richards penned “under my thumb”. 

That is what the “church” has done to her people and to much of western thought by parsing, by curating, by editing, by cutting and pasting, by withholding Holy Writings, Inspired Scripture, Divine Wisdom, and TRUTH from the people, from the masses over centuries – a mass massacre of the Spirit of The People.

The TRUTH is that past lives and reincarnation are true and real. It was part of the knowledge and truth of the early catholic/orthodox church and christian beliefs up until about Constantine’s time. I know he is referred to as “saint” and “the great”, but not in my books. No longer. Just like he and his entourage took the liberty to “rewrite” the bible and withhold books and truth and Christian mysticism, i am now doing the same thing and choosing to see him as just another spineless man. 

The white paternal patriarchal brotherhood:

I do not trust them. They have lost my trust.

I do not respect them. They have lost my respect.

I do not obey them. They have lost my blind fidelity, for all of eternity. 

It is ironic that he is know for an edict, The Edict of Milan that stated that “Christians could believe what they wanted” (Wikipedia –  “In February 313, Constantine met with Licinius in Milan where they made the Edict of Milan. The edict said that Christians could believe what they wanted.”). Yet he and his entourage took out Truth from Scriptures. They and all those who were in the know withheld medicine and life from countless generations to come.  

I struggled and wrestled with the concept of reincarnation for six years. I actually did not choose the path, the notion, I “stumbled” onto it, or more accurately, was “led” into it. I was at a “Celebrate Your Life” conference in Scottsdale, AZ in 2007, eleven years ago now, when I found my self sitting in a huge conference room. I think I chose the speaker and the subject by a process of elimination and not by desire. In hindsight I now see that The Divine Spirit was masterfully at work in setting me up for massive healing and success. Hmmm, now that I think about it, perhaps Constantine was part of the Divine EntouRage that led me into this room, this speaker, this healing experience, this truth, and this path.

I don’t recall now who the speaker was, but my inkling is to say Dr. Brian Weiss. That session and that seminar and that group past life regression session changed the course of my life. It was the beginning of a new path, a new way, a new age. It opened up my Mind and Spirit to a path and a portal that answered many questions and showed me the healing work that I needed to do in this lifetime if I did not want to carry forward the same lesson into the next. 

When I first began my spirituality journey, there was a stigma put on it and on me that I was “cherry picking” my christian beliefs or that I was being a “cafeteria catholic” – thereby implying my not being in “full communion” nor a “true believer or supporter of Christ” and that “I was turning my back on the one true faith”.  There was guilt, fear, and emotional shunning used as an attempt at  manipulating me or steering me away from spirituality and new age books/gatherings with words and phrases such as:

  • it’s not in the bible, 
  • that is the devil talking to you, 
  • that is evil – thus implying that i am evil or partaking in evil, (in hindsight, i was parting from lies and untruth that kept me subdued and the Spirit of God from flowing through me)
  • that is the devil misleading you, 
  • that is bullshit, 
  • you are being misled,
  • you are being brainwashed,
  • you are so gullible and vulnerable,
  • the church does not believe in that. 

Truthfully though, these voices were my mirror of my inner belief paradigm too. I myself had once thought and spoken in the same manner: condemning and criticizing, but then ultimately and by The Grace of God, accepting and embracing.

These voices were loud and their decibel emotionally demeaning, deafening, and crippling.  They tried to block me, stop me, tackle me, and keep me down, low, and subdued. But BY THE IMMENSE GRACE OF GOD, the Holy Spirit and dispenser of Divine Wisdom and Truth, kept whispering in my ear, in my Heart, and in my Spirit. Sofia kept nudging me along, gently. Sofia kept giving me books and insights and healers and experiences, consistently and persistently. Sofia kept comforting me and consoling me on my seemingly alone journey into this world of eternal Truth and Wisdom, and eventual healing. On the earthly plane there was much resistance, but on the Spiritual plane there was immense support, guidance, and strength. All I had to do was walk by faith, by insight, and by intuition. All I had to do was lean on the crutches of Divine Right Judgement and accept Their grace. All I had to do was listen and respond to the whispers of the ONE TRUE VOICE.

This Voice, His Voice kept whispering to me, “You shall know them by their fruit”. If there was love, stay and learn. If there was fear, run, fast and far.

I found my self being very careful as to how I spoke and what language I used. When I was in the presence of “church people” I avoided Spiritual / New Age language and conversations lest I be laughed at, ridiculed, and shunned. Ironically, in Spiritual circles and healing ceremonies, I edited my church language since there was a strong undercurrent of disdain toward organized religion and its teachings. I was like a double agent double dipping in both gardens. 

At one point I did leave “organized” religion, orthodoxy-catholicism. I did leave control based on fear, guilt, UNworthiness, and servitude. But HE called me back. 

HE said, “Come to Me. Come to My Table. Come Feast at and with and on my Love. Come let Me heal you and nourish you. Come. Come. Come my sweet loved daughter.”

HE said, “Don’t throw out the baby with the dirty diaper or dirty bathwater.” Meaning don’t leave, discard, throw out the beautiful side of the church because of the smelly part. 

HE said, “I know. I see all that is going on. Leave that and them up to Me. I am and will deal with them, in My Way and My time. That is not your job. Your job is to Love Me, listen to Me, and do as I say. Focus on Me and Me only. Receive My Gifts and Me, and let the institution be. Ignore the institution, that is not your work.”

So, I did. I listened to Him. I listen to His Voice. I obeyed His Voice. In doing so He led me to a beautiful Holy Spirit filled community that is based on Love and Acceptance and Healing: a community that is rooted in tradition but not bound by tradition. I am beyond grateful and have been deeply blessed and enriched.


In hindsight those external voices didn’t know any better. In hindsight, they mirrored and voiced back to me at what I was thinking and feeling myself. I’ve realized that while i am on wobbly feet in my own truth and skin, the world will reflect back to me my hesitancy and uncertainty. 

The church, although Divinely inspired is manly managed and run – just ask Galileo and St. Joan of Arc. 

Lastly, since I know that that which moves us to joy, tears, admiration and rage in others is also within us. Thus, I am left wondering how my outrage of the church withholding is a mirror of me. Mercy me! As the adages go, “when you point a finger at someone else, there are three pointing ball at you”, and, “it is a sin to know where the water is in the desert and not tell anyone” – I wonder was this is telling me about myself. 

Always, think for yourself, by the Grace of God,                                                            Irena As I Am                                                                                                      04/23/2018

PS                                                                                                                            Despite all this i still love the church – the hierarchy and institution i struggle with and actually have disconnected from. I also realize that  in any tribe a code of conduct is needed so that everyone is on the same page and that there is unity and uniformity. I also recognize and acknowledge all the good that the church has done: schools, universities, hospitals, orphanages, social outreach, mentoring to name just a few. 

Why do i love her so? Well, she was founded and is ultimately guided by the One Beloved of many.

Fulfillment Time

Beloved, do not let this one thing escape your notice:                                                   With the Lord a day is like a thousand years,                                                                  and a thousand years are like a day.                                                                                   2 Peter 3:8

Have you ever received a Divine vision, a Divine promise and be thoroughly excited about it? You begin doing the work toward making that Divinely inspired vision an earthly reality. You are faithful to the doing the work for a few weeks or months or even years, but nothing happens or the outer reality does not align with the inner knowing and you lose faith, hope, and the steam to keep going. You begin to wonder if what has been your motivating factor was really a Divine inspiration or a wacky tangent you’ve been on for days/weeks/months/years. You begin to doubt yourself and your path. You begin to question your choices. You being to reassess your direction. You wonder if your wandering was just one big waste of time.

Can I get a witness? Yes. me. I’ll witness.

If there is one thing that I have learned in the past fifteen or twenty years since I’ve began my journey of awareness and trying to live in Divine Alignment is that God’s time frame is very different from my human time frame. What I think should take three to six months, God may think that five years is the just the right amount of time to bring something into fruition. I may think I am ready for a new season in my life and look up to the Heavens and say “bring it on God”, “I’ve got my ducks in a row”, “I. AM. READY.”. But sometimes it seems like God is dilly dallying or off on vacation. Sometimes it seems like God may have changed His mind about our initial conversation and agreement. After all, Amazon or FedEx sometimes seem to do a better job of “delivering on time” than God does. Isn’t God the ultimate fulfillment center of them all? Doesn’t He have a magic wand that can make things appear and disappear? Doesn’t God have a multitude of Angels at His beck and call eagerly awaiting to get the nod from Him to come down here to earth and move obstacles out of the way for us, instantaneously?

So then why doesn’t He? Why does He make us wait? Why does He seem to change the longing in our Hearts and have us take a different direction?

There is an adage about how God answers prayers: God answers prayers in three ways. Yes. Not yet. I have a better plan for you.

Like everyone else, I’ve experienced both answered prayers and unanswered prayers. When I get a “yes”, when a prayer is answered I am elated, grateful, humbled, and feeling set apart and pretty good about myself, life, and God. It gives me fuel for the journey. It is an affirmation from God that I am on the “right path”. It emboldens me to keep going and keep trusting the whisperings of the Holy Spirit within my Heart. It helps me see and know just how powerful and amazing God is. It humbles me. Lastly, an answered prayer deepens my gratitude toward God and then it presents the question of how do I express my gratitude and be generous with my many blessings. Very often, God soon presents someone or a situation where the blessing that I just received could be put to service. It is in these moments that I pray for the eyes that see, ears that hear, and a willing, humble, and generous Heart to do what is asked of me. In times when I have been open and sharing, the blessings are multiplied for all. In times when I have been greedy and hoarding my blessings, I have withheld, from others, God, and myself. In contracting my Heart or generosity, the world around me contracted as well. Thus, in receiving we have a Divine responsibility in giving and sharing. In receiving, we are the channel for delivering Divine abundance to others. In receiving we complete the cycle by giving, as Divinely inspired to do so, and not as driven by our ego or external pressures.

However, when a long-standing prayer is unanswered I can get deflated, frustrated, humbled, dejected, feeling set aside, forgotten, and my faith, hope, and trust in God may even begin to wane.  I also begin to doubt myself and my abilities. I begin to wonder if I am wandering aimlessly and if I discerned Divine Directives correctly. When I doubt or the path seems foggy, it seems like on the highway of life I get off at every exit and rest stop to check, double check, and sometimes even do a U turn and head back in the direction I came from. I am testing the path, feeling the path while doubting the path. Are the signs telling me to keep going forward or to go back or go sideways? Does it feel better this way or that way? Does it make more sense to make a change or stay put? These thoughts, feelings, and the array of actions can lead to confusion or even greater fogginess. They can stir up the dust around us even more thus taking it even longer for us to see The Way. In times like these it is VITAL that we stop and listen, that we pray, meditate, journal, or change our routine or scenery. Sometimes, the answer presents itself when we stop being frantic in looking for it. This is when God says “not yet”.

In the “not yet” answer, patience is our saving grace. In the “not yet” answer, we are asked to just relax into the journey and InJoy the journey: InJoy the waiting and the anticipation. It is like when a baby is conceived, it is not born immediately or the next day. The conception of the baby is the promise of a new child, but the birth and reality of a baby is a “not yet”. It takes nine months of gestation. It takes time for the baby to fully develop so that they will be fully equipped for their earthly journey. It also takes time for the parents, family, and friends to fully absorb and also grow into the idea of a newborn baby entering and becoming a part of their lives. It takes time for the parents to prepare, not just with setting up the nursery,  buying clothes, toys and developmental items, but also thinking about how they will raise their chid.  While the baby is growing physically in the womb, the parents are growing mentally, emotionally, and relationally into this new role, responsibility, and joy that Love has brought them. They too are in their own gestation period of the parenthood journey. Sometimes, an answered prayer is like this. The seed of the promise has been planted into our Hearts, but we are not yet ready or mature enough into receiving it immediately. In our wait time, in our gestation period, we need to be wise and do our due diligence in preparing for the upcoming blessing. When the blessing does arrive, we have matured and can handle the answered prayer. And, just like a newborn, an answered prayer is a blessing and a responsibility.

The hardest of them all is the “I have a better plan for you” response to a prayer. In this scenario there will most likely be much pruning, especially if we have an attitude of

‘this is what i want and only what i want and nothing else will do’. 

Oh my!

This is a sure mentality for setting oneself up for  a lot of frustration, heartache, wallowing, self-pity, and even anger toward God. There was a point in my life where “i wanted a baby”. It was the next logical step in my and our journey. It made sense. It was the normal course of married life. Others expected it and hinted at it by quoting  Genesis 9:7 of “go forth and multiply”. I, we, did everything “right”. Years passed and nothing happened. This “wanting” of mine always hovered around me and my life like a dark cloud. The onset of each menstrual cycle was like getting onto a roller coaster ride of hope and anticipation. It was also a downward spiral of despair and desperation since it meant no conception this month. Medically, we were both fine. A few years into this journey, I even had a laparoscopy procedure through my belly so that the obgyn could get a better look at my uterus. I kept the op report for many years. It said that my uterus was “pristine” and “should” conceive. The doctor and others  said you just need to “keep trying” at the “right time”.

By this time the “keep trying” had become a chore, a task, a duty, an obligation. Upon hearing the results of the laparoscopy my Heart both rose in elation and sunk in despair and questioning. I was relieved that all was well on the inside, and simultaneously, I was devastated because some part me understood that it was not meant to be. It was a deep knowing that we were not meant to conceive and bring a child into this world. Even though I “knew” this deep down inside, in my stubborn taurus nature I still forged ahead with the “keep trying” attitude. I ignored and shut down what I did not want to face. I had my own agenda.

In my stubbornness of “wanting what i want”, I brought the misery onto myself.  I thought God had completely abandoned me. I took consolance in reading about Sarah (and Abraham) or about Rachael (and Jacob) in the Hebrew texts. I put on a brave face when people asked if we had any children or when we were planning having children. Then there was the “you are not getting any younger you know” comment that was like a spear into the Heart. I bargained with God. I also pointed out to Him how women on the streets and addicts were giving birth and here i was a “good clean person”, a regular church goer too with a “husband and a home”, and God wasn’t delivering to me. How dare He not!?! How dare He “curse” me so!?!  Why?Why.Why?Why God are You being so cruel and mean to me!

Oh my! Oh my! Has anyone else out there tried to use emotional manipulation, emotional hostage taking, guilt tripping, or bully tactics to get God to answer a prayer?

There were one or two lone voices who said that “maybe God has a different plan for you”. To these comments, I would figuratively close my Heart and ears to and sing “la-la-la-la-la” so as to drown them out. It was easier for me to continue with my agenda rather than stop, ask and listen to what God was saying. Now, many years later, what I thought was my greatest “god-curse”, I now see as one of my greatest Divine Blessings. I now see that I wasted a whole lotta energy being self-absorbed rather than doing the work of listening and changing.

Thus this is why I now pray for Divine Humility. With this Grace, I ask that I “get on board” with God’s plan sooner rather than later. I also ask for the Divine Wisdom where instead of asking “why”, the better question is “what”. What do I need to see? What changes do I need to make? What is the Divine Way? What notion or emotion do I need to let go of? And do this journey of metanoia peacefully, gracefully, gently, graciously, gratefully, humbly, calmly, patiently, lovingly, and in a timely manner. Amen.

Things take time. We need time. Life takes time. Have patience with yourself and the process. Have the grace and humility to align with God’s Way. There is always so much more going on behind the scenes than the eye and i can see.

Abundant Divine Wisdom, Grace, Humility and Obedience,                                           Irena As I Am