No TV for Me

I am humbly proud to say that I have bee tv free for four years now.

It happened around the same time that I was doing my best to distance myself from white four, sugar, processed food, and all other non-integrity nourishment, on all levels and areas. I now call it “The GREAT SPRING CLEANING of 2014 “. That was when I had dubbed myself the Queen of Clean.

The TV had been energetically dirty, contaminated, unclean. Thus, I donated it after purifying it with sage, incense and Holy Water.

Now, this space and my home represent  peace, silence, perspective, tranquility, and time to really reflect, heal, process, and move forward. Most importantly however, this is a space and place where I am able to better hear the gentle whisperings of the Divine World. My home is my sanctuary and my sacred space for wholeness and holiness.

Initially however I did not feel that way. Initially, 

  • I was in shock as I went into noise pollution withdrawal.
  • I was uncomfortable and uneasy as my mind numbing agent and Spirit Suppressing noise box was gone.
  • I didn’t know what to do with myself when I wanted to decompress, tune out, or have my mind go into a vegetative state.
  • I felt awkward and weird and out of sorts with the rest of society.
  • When I woke late at night I was forced to  face/hear why I was awoken by the Divine Realm and what they were trying to tell me. Whereas in the past, I would tune them out, and drown them out by tuning into the tv hole.
  • I fidgeted, felt deprived, and almost had the shakes.

I had no where to run and hide from me and the emotions and issues that were welling up from the inside of me. But then I stuck with it, I persevered and I did not allow those discomfort feelings to sway me, control me, have power over me nor change my course.

I also noticed something very interesting over the course of the next year. I observed myself in situations when I was in the presence of a tv and pleasing shifts happened.

  1. While traveling and in a hotel room, I did not feel the need to turn on the tv, nor did I tv binge. Instead, I took the time to FEEL the energy of the trip and all the sights, sounds, conversations, experiences, messages and lessons. I soaked it all up –  every drop of life into my bones.  I had the time and space to process life, and rest too.
  2. While staying in someone’s home, again, I did not feel the need to watch tv. I do remember TRYING to watch tv, but it felt like a chore and a waste of time. If my hosts were watching tv, I could only tolerate it for so long (15 to 30 minutes) before I had to leave the room. There was so much noise and created drama that I went into sensory overload.
  3. My Greek Orthodox neighbors were going to Holy Friday Services and asked me if I would sit with their canine companion whom I will call Ms. Tabitha. I did. My mind was not in a place where I could read and focus, thus, I turned on the tv to one of my favorite channels in my life before tv: HGTV. I used to get a kick out of watching  couple dynamics while choosing a home OR watching the wonderful renovation transformations. Hmmmm… maybe because at that time my life was also undergoing major renovations/transformations; thus these shows appealed to me. Then something interesting happened. After about 35/40 minutes, I felt “blah”. I felt brain fog. I felt mesmerized, entranced and hypnotized. Thus, instead I looked at Ms. Tabitha and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. Does one need to ask a dog twice if they want to go for a walk? On the walk, we met up with another neighbor walking their dog and we had a really good conversation: two people connected and so did the two dogs. Upon our return, I returned again to HGTV: round two.This time the above symptoms got worse and the shows really did not hold my interest. I guess I am cured of HGTV! When I got home, I felt so good being in my tranquil quiet space, my peaceful home sanctuary. Thank You my good neighbors and Ms.Tabitha for this invaluable experience. I now have tv closure as there were still small wonderings of whether I “should” have a tv. After all, doesn’t everyone. Now I am grateful that I am not “normal” when it comes to tv ownership. Hmmm…. perhaps this was one of His Gifts on Orthodox Holy Friday. Through the Holy Spirit, They let me know and confirmed Their view/will of Their best version of my life.

And one more tv story: While at a friends home and because of college associations they really wanted to watch the basketball finals. The tv was on for only about an hour. But afterwards I felt  over-stimulated, over-exposed exposed, over sensitized  and somewhat drained. So so so so much information is crammed into such a little fraction of time.

During the one hour tv experience I also felt  energetically “violated” by all the negative commercials, especially the pharmaceutical ones. I feel that the pharmaceutical commercials/messages plant self-fulfilling prophecies or “symptom seeds” in the psyches of people to have the “experience” for which they happen to have the “cure”.

I do my best to expose my self to only clean clean clean thoughts, conversations, images, books, websites, articles and advertising. But while watching tv I had been “force fed” info, images, thoughts, and messages. Truthfully, I allowed it because I could have very easily left the room. I was not a victim. I was an active participant in my demise. In writing this, I am also now realizing how I had compromised my values in “sitting there” and not removing myself from an unhealthy situation.

“But, where sin (missing the mark/target) abounded, grace did much more abound” Romans 5:20

“And, we know that all things work together for good to them that love God” Romans 8:28

When I am at peace and well, I radiate wellness to all and in the space that I occupy on this Planet Earth. It is my way of contributing to Peace. Now, peace and silence reign. I do from time to time get DVDs from the library. But even that is rare.

Success Formula:

  • 1/3 Holy Spirit Promptings/Nudges
  • 1/3 GRACE
  • 1/3 Personal Will, Wise Choices and commitment.

I pray that whatever changes you are contemplating – being nudged toward – that Grace strengthens you and that you commit to a life of greater well being, peace, integrity, love and joy. So heal and help you God.

Abundant Grace to All,                                                                                                  Irena As I Am                                                                                                      05/14/2018


Peace Wall

focal point                                                                                                                      ˈfōkəl ˌpoint/                                                                                                                         noun                                                                                                                                noun: focal point; plural noun: focal points

1 the point at which rays or waves meet after reflection or refraction, or the point from which diverging rays or waves appear to proceed.

2 the center of interest or activity or attention

3 the central or principal point of focus

The above definition is a compilation from online dictionaries.                                         The below picture is my focal point wall in my living room.

May there be peace within your walls and                                                           security within your citadels.                                                                                           Psalm 122

At one point in time this focal point wall contained something else. It contained this thing that had a measurement of 50” in diameter. It was black for the most part, until I powered it up. Then it lit up and projected images and emitted sounds and transferred all sorts of messages. Many of the images, sounds, and messages were good, but many were not. This thing had a mesmerizing and crippling quality about it. It was a master story teller. Once one sat in front of it, it was easy to turn into a blob and tune everything out: life, one’s problems, one’s joys, one’s surroundings, the people in one’s life, and most especially the Whispers of the Holy Spirit in one’s Heart. One’s complete and total focus of attention was being guided and directed by the spirit, intent, message, and  energy of the director of the show and its players. One becomes a message and energy sponge in front of this device. One is being formed, indoctrinated and herded down a certain mental and emotional path and paradigm. One can easily become its parrot. It is commonly called entertainment, but it can be more like containment.

At one point in my journey, my life revolved around what and when it was being broadcasted on this thing: I had to be home on a certain night at a certain time to watch a hockey game or a certain show. It was a supreme directive in my life – the hockey game schedule or an airing of a show. One particular story that I followed was “Ally McBeal” – way back in the 1990’s and early 2000’s. My Heart rose and fell with each of her professional and personal trials, tribulations, and romances. In hindsight, I now see that it was easier to escape into the feelings of this fictional character, and/or the hockey game statistics, than to dive deep into my own Heart and feel the feelings I  had become so masterful at suppressing and oppressing. The Work of Love and Healing and Awareness require our total focus and a distancing from distractions.

Then there was the semi-reality show that I was fascinated by, that I could not get enough of, and that I was bewildered as to ‘how could they live like that’. Then and now I am embarrassed to admit that I liked this show so much, let alone that I even watched it.

Confession time.

It was called “The Girls Next Door”. It was based in Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion and it followed the day to day events of him and his three live-in girlfriends or “playmates”, who could have easily been his grand daughters. I could not fathom what they saw in him, how they could physically be romantically involved with him, or why they stayed with him, no matter how much money or fame was involved. ‘Did they love him?’ and ‘Did he love them?’ were questions swimming in my mind and Heart. This seemed like a modern day sultan and harem scenario which was completely normal and acceptable in certain biblical texts, like monogamy is today. Actually, like an asset portfolio is the current day barometer of one’s earthly financial wealth, the size of one’s harem was an indication of one’s power, wealth, and status. King Solomon is just one example.

Well, I did not see it then, but in hindsight, I now see the similarities of their life to mine. I now see what the allure of the show had been for me. I now see that the show had been a mirror for me and my life. For my life too had become a false production, a show for others, and especially for myself too.

However, as my life unfolded in ways I never could have imagined, I came to understand that love does not have age restrictions nor prescriptions. I came to understand that I had projected and super-imposed the feelings of my circumstances  onto this show and its cast. I also came to understand that our healing journey will take us into places, spaces, circumstances, experiences, and relationships that are beyond the mind’s comprehension or constructs.

Lastly, I came to realize that I had achieved the height of arrogance when watching this show, and that was to judge them as I sat smugly in my living room, living my “honorable and upstanding” life, or lie as I eventually came to see it. I had assumed they were doing it for the money and the fame, but how do I really know that for sure. I don’t. I had arrogantly assumed. Only God knows what is in the Heart of each person and why they truly do what they do. Each has their own unique healing journey. As the adage goes: “we do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Ooooh, ouch! A reality cold shower. Secretly, I think I also admired these young ladies for having the courage in being so open in publicly sharing their lives with Hugh. In hindsight, their mirror was my medicine back then and my reality check.

I am gathering that by now, you very well know that I am talking about television.

The television also televises news of the day in our community and from around the globe. I used to watch it religiously because I needed to know the who, what, why, where, and how status of our society and humanity. I needed to know the names of important people and places of hotspots. I need to be able to regurgitate the movers and shakers, the events that shape us, the accords signed, and the allegiances formed. I needed to appear informed and intelligent. I needed the artillery for quick witted and clever political and economic conversations and debates. I needed to ride and be a part of each new wave of elation and fear in the spectrums of politics, economics, war and peace, and sensational stories. I was an upstanding parrot of and for the news media.

I was well informed, thoroughly indoctrinated, and totally distracted. Really it was not that much different from alcoholism and yet completely socially acceptable. It took a lot of time and energy to keep myself mentally and emotionally in tip top shape with information. Over time this information came at me and all of us first from a garden hose, then a fire  hydrant, and now it is like the ocean all around us. We are swimming in it.  It is in the air that we breathe because it is in the airwaves – tv, radio, world wide web, and wifi.

We are now literally swimming and breathing in information that is being broadcast through the airwaves.

I came to realize that I was entertaining myself AND distancing myself from myself and my life. I came to realize that it was intellectual pride. I came to realize that I was engaged in “much ado about nothing” as Shakespeare put it.

Now, I am not saying that world events are “nothing”, what I am saying is that I now see it all as futile and spiritually fruitless. Had I been a top government official like Condoleezza Rice or Benazir Bhutto, it would have been imperative for me to be in the know. But I came to realize that all my energy and all the conversations/debates produced ZERO CHANGE on either the local, national, or global levels. Thus, what was the point of it for me other than entertainment.

However, the person I could change, was ME. And thus, I gradually began disassociating myself with the news, a lot of which is fear mongering. As a consequence or blessing, I no longer know immediately who are the new federal judges or what are the latest utterances of the Federal Reserve Chairperson. I no longer ride the economic forecast rollercoaster of the thought/fear du jour and the myriad of financial fortune or doomsday tellers. I have however spent enormous amounts of energy in nurturing a relationship with the most powerful of them all, God.

This has kept me well occupied.

Lastly there are the commercials. Some of them are light and funny, and, entraining and informative. But then there are those that use fear and doubt to nudge people into doing business with them: for instance attorneys and pharmaceutical companies. I wonder how many hypochondriacs have self-diagnosed themselves into a self-fulfilling prophecy of physical ailments? Rather than planting positive and expansive seeds into people’s psyches, some commercials plant seeds of doubt and fear.

Be mindful. Be aware. Be wise. Be selective.

On the other hand,                                                                                                       There are movies, documentaries, special interest, educational and spiritual programming that are good and beneficial. The broadcasting and entrainment industry is a clean industry employing many and a wonderful medium of sharing gifts, talents, inspirational stories, and joy. It’s not all bad nor is it all good. It’s a matter of how we use the “tool” and if we are masters of it, or is it our master.

My spiritual journey has been such that it was asked of me to “let it go”, let the tv go. This I did in February of 2014 – almost four years now as today is January 2018. It may not be for everyone, but it was so for me.

The first six months I was in drama and noise withdrawal. The silence was so loud and so pronounced that I wanted to run from its screams, run from its messages, and most important of all, hide from its Truth. I was in agony. I did not know what to do with myself. I was agitated. I did not know how to distract myself. I did not know how to numb my awakened hearing senses. Similar to someone who experiences a substance withdrawal, I had the shakes, shivers, and anxiety, figuratively speaking, of noise and drama withdrawal.

Truth will do that to you.                                                                                                      It will make you really uncomfortable.                                                                                  It will make you squirm in your seat and in your energy.

The next six months were easier. And now it is a way of life for me. Now whenever I am in someone’s home and the tv is on or loud, it bothers me. The noise is agitating and it disturbs the peace from within it. The noise is an energy drain. I experience it as noise pollution.

In 2016, for a few months I did have a Netflix subscription which I watched on my lap top. I enjoyed it. But after a few months I needed to update my laptop operating system in order to continue watching Netflix. I did’t want to do that because another program that I was using was not compatible with the new operating system. And thus, I took it as a sign to let Netflix go. And so I did. I do however go to the library and take out DVD videos/movies. Some of them I watch (on my laptop) and some I return without watching. They are on standby should I need a mini mental vacation.

Occasionally I will go to the movies if I feel really drawn to one. But, some of the previews can be so dark and violent that I have to close my eyes, plug my ears, put my head down, and hum so as to block out that stuff, that energy. I pray for those making such stuff and for those watching/absorbing such stuff. There you go, becoming more and more sensitive (empath) has its blessings but it also has its challenges. The key is for each one of us to recognize and honor where we are on our spiritual path of evolution.

Not having a tv now for almost four years has given me the time and space for reflecting, reading, journaling, meditating, healing, listening, feeling, creating, processing, discerning, expressing, letting go, cleaning, simplifying and most important of all, growing closer with Love. I may one day be moved to have it again, or not. I now see the home space as

sacred space, a holy temple. I now see that we need be very conscious in what we bring into and allow in our sacred space: the space or the walls within our mind (thoughts), Heart, relationships, and life.

May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.                                                                                 Psalm 122

May there be peace within your walls,                                                                            May abundant grace grant you the courage to bring only peace within your “walls”,       and                                                                                                                                   let go gently, peacefully, lovingly, in a timely basis of that which is not in alignment with Peace,                                                                                                                               Irena As I Am