Gracious Host

In mid January of this Anno Domini year of 2018 I was walking in a parking lot toward my vehicle when my attention and line of sight was drawn downward to a slip of paper on the asphalt. I saw that it was a fortune cookie message. “Oooh”, I thought, “A delightful message from the Cosmos. Just for me!”, and I gleefully picked it up. 

It read: You will be the guest of a gracious host within the month.

“I like it and I’ll take it.”, were my immediate reactions. In the top right hand corner I dated my fortunate message and put it in a little compartment next to my steering wheel. Meanwhile my mind began envisioning an elegant evening gala. I and other women were dressed in beautiful sequenced gowns and the men were sharply and neatly suited up in tuxedoes. In the background there was a live quartet playing soft classical music. The stars were sparkling as we engaged in meaningful conversation and I sipped sparkling mineral water, accented with a sprig of mint and a splash of cranberry juice. (Alcohol is “against my religion” – my “personal religion” – that is unless there is a super extra ordinary event. Then I will issue myself a temporary dispensation and have a sip or two. In the last ten years there have been only two such extra ordinary events. I like my crown chakra open to the Divine Flow and my thoughts crystal clear.) The meal was clean, delicious, and nutritious … my imagination kept building a beautiful event with this “gracious host” as I drove home.

Life went on it’s normal, peaceful, and calm on-course and I forgot about the fortune cookie message. That is, until Ash Wednesday. On St. Valentine’s Day I received ashes on my forehead as I replied in the affirmative that i am and i would “turn away form sin, and live and love the Gospel”. 

The next morning I was burnin’ burnin’ burnin’ up. 

Those ashes still had some live cinders in them and they lit me up with a fever. The fever completely halted me and grounded me. Life stopped. Everything that seemed important yesterday and needed to be done today, vaporized into nothingness, meaninglessness and irrelevancy. For the next three days and three nights sleep became the new agenda and put itself on the top of the list. All I wanted to do and all I had the energy to do was sleep sleep sleep, and sleep some more. In the day i slept on the couch and at night i slept in bed. I awoke in the dark in soaked pajamas as my body released all kinds of nitty gritty energy. The past was vaporizing.

Even my stomach got into the game with some of its own action by regurgitating an attempt at a meal.  This I had not done in at least a decade or more. At first I was baffled as to why I had gotten so feverish. I could not even recall the last time I was in such circumstances: ten, fifteen years? What had brought it on? Where did I “go wrong” in taking care of myself to be served a fever?  It took about a week for me to feel strong enough to leave the house. Thus, being physically and energetically immobilized, I had a lot of time to think. And think I did. Being the optimist that I am, and always looking for the silver lining, deep down inside I knew that there was a Gift in this situation.

I recalled how a medical intuitive once had told me that when we complete a healing journey on the inside, that is when the body then develops “symptoms” on the outside to release or expel that energy from the body. Thus, I began to review in my thoughts all the lessons, all the encounters, all the shifts, all the trials, all the emotions, all the setbacks, all the failures, and all the victories that had been on my path and that I did not back away from. I embraced them. I embodied them. I wrestled with them. I danced and sang with them. I loved them dearly and at times cried bitterly too. And then, I moved on because that  was part of the Cosmic Plan, part of the Divine Design of my Soul’s earthly sojourn. Whew, no wonder I was exhausted. Just thinking about it made me feel tired. I realized then that this fever was a Gift. It was my Graduation Gift wrapped in a package that allowed me to REST, recap, and bring closure to a large segment of my journey. 

Fire is purifying and the fever did just that. It burnt away all the remnants of the bygone battlefield. It purified my body, spirit, and memories. It left behind the ashes of a skin/identity that was no longer needed nor necessary for the new journey and the new era. Now that I think about it, the involuntary regurgitation of food was like the old way of ingesting, processing, digesting, absorbing, and releasing was also being “thrown up”. It was a symbolic cleanse and parting of ways of the old way and making room for the new way. All that sleep gave rest, calmed me down, and reset my system.

I also had developed a cough. I KNOW that whenever symptoms arise around the throat, that my throat chakra is not fully open or not being used as it should be. My voice had become small and meek. I KNEW that I needed to once again give voice to that which was within. I KNEW that I needed to use my voice, lest my voice be lost. I knew and know that a lot needs to be said through the voice. And in time, it will be. 

Toward the end of February, I once again found that fortune cookie slip in my vehicle. When I read it I laughed and laughed and laughed. I laughed because of the disparity between what my vision had been of the “gracious host” and what the Cosmos actually delivered. There was a huge disparity. However, in hindsight, I am now BEYOND GRATEFUL for the feverish “gracious host” that really did show up. The host did fire me up so as to de-light me temporarily and put me out of commission in order to in-light me for the next segment of the journey. 

Life is a Gift – and sometimes we need to expand your vision and shift our focus so that we see the Gift. “Let those who have ears, hear (and those who have eyes, see – with their Heart, and Soul).”, Jesus.

Abundant Grace, Wisdom, Humility, and Strength,                                                        Irena As I Am

Listen to Your Body

Yours truly, moi, me+myself+and+i, did not dance to her own drumbeat last week, did not practice what she preaches on the rooftops, and as a result, yours truly is reaping or rather to put it more precisely, is suffering the consequences: a runny nose and a heavy head, a head cold.

One of my biggest life’s mantras is LISTEN TO YOUR BODY – especially when s/he is asking for sleep, rest, peace, calm, quiet, stillness, tranquility, and or certain nutrition.

This then extends to LISTEN TO YOUR ENERGY – especially when your energy is feeling discombobulated, frazzled, hyper, high-strung, or tightly wrung.

Sometimes, life just takes us down a path of a stimuli blitzkrieg. And no matter how novice or advanced our spiritual practice is, that path or that current just gets the best of us. It seems like from Thanksgiving and through December heading toward Christmas, time seems to speed up and the pace of life picks up drastically. Everything becomes urgent. The lists become long. The expectations grow. The whole year comes to a pin point of energy and merry making. Its seems like and feels like there is this urgency in the air, in the streets, and in the stores. Emotions get amped up, the sun retracts and goes into its own time of rest (or moe accurately the earth tilts away form the sun), and darkness or that which lurks in the darkness asks us or invites us to spend some time with it and learn from it: if we so choose. The other option is to just keep going and going and going and going, just keep running from it or pushing it down even further.

Until our body says, STOP. NO MORE. This is what I was feeling last week. My body was saying please stop, rest, turn everything off – phones, screens, technology, breathe deeply, feel, process, digest, and let go or release stored up emotions. But my inner task master got the better of me. My inner task master pointed to the list and said “this must be done”, “this needs your attention and doing”, “this is very urgent”, and the trump of all logic “if you do this today, you’ll be that much further ahead next week”. So, I thought I was being strong and productive and thus I pushed through the tiredness. I could feel the frenzy inside me. I could feel myself being at the mercy of this frenzy. And I also realized that I had let this frenzy energy get too big for my lasso, that it had become a run-away-train. Even my sleep was not restful, I put in my “sleep time” but I felt like my body was still on alert and not resting or submitting into rest fully. I was now at its mercy and I just needed to let it takes its course, which turned into a head cold.

Since I did not give my body the rest when she asked for it, she forced me to rest by getting “sick”. Now I had to rest. Now I had to just breathe and be. In energy medicine thought, it is said that when the body gets “sick” that is when the healing actually begins. Up to that point in time, the person and their energy was struggling, resisting, and pushing on, meanwhile inside the body things were misaligned and heading toward a derailment. The illness is the body’s way of saying “ah, ah, this misalignment is stoping. we can no longer continue this way.  i am wo/manifesting an illness and then you will need to stop and face the issue(s).” When I first heard this theory from a body/medical intuitive it was a foreign concept to me, but yet it resonated deep within me as truth. In my life journey this had proven so.

This week rest, nutrition and slowing down have become very important to me. One does not realize just how valuable one’s health is until one’s health does not show up for one like it normally does. This week slowing down, taking care of my body and getting grounded again have become a priority. There are various ways of getting grounded, but the one that I like is sleeping on the floor in the darkest place of my home which happens to be the closet. It feels like going in the womb of the dark. I place a blanket on the carpet, get some pillows all around me, close the doors so as to get complete blackness, complete darkness and then settle in for the night. The hardness and support of the floor feels good beneath my body. It reconnects me to the earth, to the ground, to the basics of life. I like to either put one hand on my navel (second chakra) or the solar plexus  (third chakra), or the heart center (fourth chakra) and the other hand somewhere on my head. Then I breathe and settle in for the night. Sometimes, I can feel the tension in my body being un-tensed, un-raveled, un-strung. I can feel it leaving my body and I can feel my body relaxing. It’s like my muscles, ligaments, and tendons are exhaling after having held their breath for a very long time. This is a huge step toward being re-set and neutralized. There you go – that’s the coming out of my going into the closet story.

Nutrition is also very important in restoring the body’s health: eating clean, wholesome, nutritious, and lovingly prepared food. It not only tastes good, but it nourishes the cells with the goodness of the sun, earth, and love. It strengthens the body naturally with vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, strength, energy, and joy.

Below is a picture of a Vietnamese soup from Tea Light Cafe in North Phoenix. You can spice it up as little or as much as you like it. Delicious and nutritious.



Another way to strengthen the body and cleanse the aura is with water: a hot epsom salt, baking soda and/or essential oil bath or a hot tub soak or a steam room or sauna. This will clean, cleanse, and purify the body and the energy system surrounding the body.

It takes effort living and living well. But it is well worth it for it makes the journey peaceful, clam, joyful, light and pleasant.

Listen to the wisdom of your body,                                                                                     Irena As I Am