That Porsche Guy

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, my eyes used to roam and scan a room for eligible bachelors, men without a round ring. One fine day, as I was pulling up to church for daily mass a Posrche wheeled in too. “Interesting”, I thought. As the driver got out, I thought, “very very, very interesting”. The driver was a handsome man, dressed in a stylish button up shirt semi-loosely hanging over his trendy jeans. “Oh my!”, I thought, “this is more than very very very interesting.” As usual, I played it cool, very very cool. I’m good at that. Naturally, I did not say anything to him. Why would I? If anything at all, I was even the more reserved. After all, I was there to pray. No distractions allowed. He on his part, remained in his world.

An automobile called Porsche. (Image from Motortrend.)

He was not a regular daily mass attendant but showed up fairly frequently. Each time I noticed him I  was impressed that someone who had the external appearance of wealth and success was also spending time with the Lord during the week, and not just on Sundays. I did “happen” to notice that his ring finger was bare.  When I spoke of him to my friend I referred to him as “That Porsche Guy”. I imagined his coming to church was to pray for or about  some big upcoming business deal he was working on. This was a period in my life when I had so many work projects on my plate that just the thought of getting involved with someone felt heavy and burdensome. Thus distance was perfect and ideal. But I did enjoy seeing him at mass and imagining what the rest of his life was like. That was enough for me. Any more time, energy, and effort would have buried me.

And then one day, everything changed. The plot twisted in a way, that I bet you, Dear Reader, – and I’m not the betting kind – probably would never guess. It was something, that I never could have thought up myself.  One day, he came came to church with three other people. This day he was wearing a wedding band and so was the beautiful woman who walked in with him. “Oh, I thought, he is married after all. I guess not everyone wears their band on a daily basis, I realized. Good thing I just kept the imaginary relationship to just imagination and sight.” But then, what I saw next made my Heart feel compassion, shame, humility, and tenderness toward the family, “That Porsche Guy’s” family. He and his wife had a beautiful daughter about age eight and a son who followed them in, in an electric wheel chair. It was evident by his mannerisms, face and hands that he had down syndrome. The son appeared to be in his early teens.

All through mass all I did was process my thoughts and feelings while sending the family compassionate energy. I thought about myself and observed myself and what my attitude had been toward him based on his outward presentation. Does anyone else out there do that – make a judgement call about a person based on how they look, what they are wearing, and the wheels they are driving? It did it not even dawn on me to scan the state of his Heart at the beginning. Had I done that I might have “seen” him differently. I would have gone from seeing him with my material eyes to that of the Heart vibe. Thus, here is where I began to judge and scold myself for being so “materialistically oriented”. I thought about what this non-experiential encounter had taught me about myself. This was shortly after my Heart had been awakened and I was working on seeing more with the eyes of my Heart. Clearly, I got a big red “F” on this assignment. More assignments and encounters were needed for the sharpening of my Heart Sight.

As the daily mass was carried on by the priest and congregants, my whole focus was on this family. Every time I glanced at the father, mother, daughter and son gathered there before the Lord, I could not even begin to fathom the joy, the love, and the daily struggles of every member. My Heart went out to them. I wished them strength for the journey and peace in their Hearts. I wished that an abundance of grace fill their path.

I wished that deep internal joy be an integral part of their daily lives. And now, about a decade later, I also thank them for their example of love in a family. I also am grateful for witnessing their togetherness and commitment to each other. Lastly, I learned much about myself based on my internal dialogue that was triggered by my initial sighting of him.

I realized that in my initial instantaneous assessment of him and the entirety of his being, I had reduced him down to an automobile breast plate. Um, does this qualify me as being superficial and materialistic? Two hands down, eyeball to eyeball honesty: YES! In writing this story, I thought more deeply about this topic: me and materialism. I realized that materialism is something that I both am attracted to and simultaneously repelled by.  I like it, yet I also shun it because I live very simply, borderline asceticism. Clutter of any kind is draining to me. I realized that I have a very complicated relationship with wealth and material goods. I realized that  I like nice things and enjoy the feeling of having and using something that is of value. I realized that when there is quality and integrity in a product it adds value and surety to my life. By surety I mean to say that quality in a product gives me peace of mind and the mind space to focus on other things, other than things.

It’s about finding that narrow path where one has the discipline to only have the things that one needs for peace, comfort, and ease in their life. On the flip side, it means saying “NO” to things that may be nice to have but would add undue stress and responsibility. It is about nourishing our lives with material things that add to our GDP – gross domestic (inner and outer) peace”, and not weigh it down to the point of them being burdensome. When one is at peace, one can be a person of great value to this planet.

It takes awareness, and self-observation in knowing what adds joy and value to our lives and what drains us of energy. It then takes practice, commitment, and discipline to remove or let go of the items that are distractions in our lives and that take away our joy and peace. But with Grace and humility toward the Holy Spirit’s Whisperings, anything is possible.

Lastly, we don’t even need to engage and encounter with each other to learn and grow from each other. Sometimes, just the presence of someone in a room can trigger a metanoia experience. Stay open, receptive, and responsive to the workings of the Holy Spirit in your thoughts, Heart, and life.

Abundant Grace, Humility, and Blessings,                                                                        Irena As I Am                                                                                                          02/26/2018

Listen to Your Body

Yours truly, moi, me+myself+and+i, did not dance to her own drumbeat last week, did not practice what she preaches on the rooftops, and as a result, yours truly is reaping or rather to put it more precisely, is suffering the consequences: a runny nose and a heavy head, a head cold.

One of my biggest life’s mantras is LISTEN TO YOUR BODY – especially when s/he is asking for sleep, rest, peace, calm, quiet, stillness, tranquility, and or certain nutrition.

This then extends to LISTEN TO YOUR ENERGY – especially when your energy is feeling discombobulated, frazzled, hyper, high-strung, or tightly wrung.

Sometimes, life just takes us down a path of a stimuli blitzkrieg. And no matter how novice or advanced our spiritual practice is, that path or that current just gets the best of us. It seems like from Thanksgiving and through December heading toward Christmas, time seems to speed up and the pace of life picks up drastically. Everything becomes urgent. The lists become long. The expectations grow. The whole year comes to a pin point of energy and merry making. Its seems like and feels like there is this urgency in the air, in the streets, and in the stores. Emotions get amped up, the sun retracts and goes into its own time of rest (or moe accurately the earth tilts away form the sun), and darkness or that which lurks in the darkness asks us or invites us to spend some time with it and learn from it: if we so choose. The other option is to just keep going and going and going and going, just keep running from it or pushing it down even further.

Until our body says, STOP. NO MORE. This is what I was feeling last week. My body was saying please stop, rest, turn everything off – phones, screens, technology, breathe deeply, feel, process, digest, and let go or release stored up emotions. But my inner task master got the better of me. My inner task master pointed to the list and said “this must be done”, “this needs your attention and doing”, “this is very urgent”, and the trump of all logic “if you do this today, you’ll be that much further ahead next week”. So, I thought I was being strong and productive and thus I pushed through the tiredness. I could feel the frenzy inside me. I could feel myself being at the mercy of this frenzy. And I also realized that I had let this frenzy energy get too big for my lasso, that it had become a run-away-train. Even my sleep was not restful, I put in my “sleep time” but I felt like my body was still on alert and not resting or submitting into rest fully. I was now at its mercy and I just needed to let it takes its course, which turned into a head cold.

Since I did not give my body the rest when she asked for it, she forced me to rest by getting “sick”. Now I had to rest. Now I had to just breathe and be. In energy medicine thought, it is said that when the body gets “sick” that is when the healing actually begins. Up to that point in time, the person and their energy was struggling, resisting, and pushing on, meanwhile inside the body things were misaligned and heading toward a derailment. The illness is the body’s way of saying “ah, ah, this misalignment is stoping. we can no longer continue this way.  i am wo/manifesting an illness and then you will need to stop and face the issue(s).” When I first heard this theory from a body/medical intuitive it was a foreign concept to me, but yet it resonated deep within me as truth. In my life journey this had proven so.

This week rest, nutrition and slowing down have become very important to me. One does not realize just how valuable one’s health is until one’s health does not show up for one like it normally does. This week slowing down, taking care of my body and getting grounded again have become a priority. There are various ways of getting grounded, but the one that I like is sleeping on the floor in the darkest place of my home which happens to be the closet. It feels like going in the womb of the dark. I place a blanket on the carpet, get some pillows all around me, close the doors so as to get complete blackness, complete darkness and then settle in for the night. The hardness and support of the floor feels good beneath my body. It reconnects me to the earth, to the ground, to the basics of life. I like to either put one hand on my navel (second chakra) or the solar plexus  (third chakra), or the heart center (fourth chakra) and the other hand somewhere on my head. Then I breathe and settle in for the night. Sometimes, I can feel the tension in my body being un-tensed, un-raveled, un-strung. I can feel it leaving my body and I can feel my body relaxing. It’s like my muscles, ligaments, and tendons are exhaling after having held their breath for a very long time. This is a huge step toward being re-set and neutralized. There you go – that’s the coming out of my going into the closet story.

Nutrition is also very important in restoring the body’s health: eating clean, wholesome, nutritious, and lovingly prepared food. It not only tastes good, but it nourishes the cells with the goodness of the sun, earth, and love. It strengthens the body naturally with vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, strength, energy, and joy.

Below is a picture of a Vietnamese soup from Tea Light Cafe in North Phoenix. You can spice it up as little or as much as you like it. Delicious and nutritious.



Another way to strengthen the body and cleanse the aura is with water: a hot epsom salt, baking soda and/or essential oil bath or a hot tub soak or a steam room or sauna. This will clean, cleanse, and purify the body and the energy system surrounding the body.

It takes effort living and living well. But it is well worth it for it makes the journey peaceful, clam, joyful, light and pleasant.

Listen to the wisdom of your body,                                                                                     Irena As I Am