i cry

  • Sometimes i cry cry cry
  • And i don’t even know why

 

  • i let the tears flow flow flow
  • Even if it means, my vulnerability being on show

 

  • “Don’t cry.”, sometimes others will say
  • As they try to make the tears go away

 

  • “But why, oh why, should i not cry?”, i retort
  • For in the game of life, sometimes i, others, and things fall short

 

  • The pain can be so deep and searing
  • It’s like a jagged dagger twirling through the flesh of one’s being 

 

  • Somehow the tears are a balm
  • Wondrously their flow restores inner calm

 

  • The tears a Gift from one’s Soul
  • For they bring light to what was once a deep dark hole

 

  • But I must say, not all the tears are mine
  • Sometimes I cry for those who tow the hard line

 

  • There are those who their tears they do not show
  • For they keep them buried deep in frozen snow

 

  • There are those who think they must must must 
  • Be strong unto themselves and others not trust 

 

  • There are those who keep the tears all to their inner selves
  • They keep them bottled up in dark cellar shelves 

 

  • They become masters at holding back
  • Until I come around and pick up their emotional slack

 

  • Their thoughts I know and their feelings I feel
  • For the Spirit of All can penetrate even think steel

 

  • What they will not allow
  • My Heart and Body become their emotional cat’s meow

 

  • I cry their uncried tears 
  • Bringing a ray of light to their hidden fears

 

  • i am an empath, you see
  • my sensitivity, a Gift of Service to thee

irena as i am                                                                                                           06/04/2018

Eight Stages of Anger

Anger. It is a subject not discussed very much, nor do we like to admit to it, especially to ourselves that we are angry. But it is still there not matter how much we try to ignore it or distract ourselves from it. Just like toxic waste buried in barrels into the ground that eventually seeps into the water and causes a chain event of lethal deaths, so too does unaddressed anger. It can take on a variety of forms: passive aggressive, cynicism/criticism, channeled into obsessive behavior such as work/working out/hobbies/shopping/gambling/addictions, self destructive behavior, and lastly taking it out on others.

Since I have been one who has had difficulty in using my voice to set boundaries or let someone know when they have been hurtful, I had become masterful at being passive aggressive. From early on I was taught not to speak back to authority figures nor elders. They were always right and always had the right of way. Always and in always. Being a girl, society also told me that we were “sugar and spice and everything nice”. Thus girls were not supposed to get angry, just like boys were not supposed to cry. These adages and paradigms of restricting expression are cruel. They prevent a person from being a fully expressed human being and processing normal life emotion in a healthy manner. It is confinement of the Spirit. It is like caging up the Spirit. It is putting the Spirit in a straitjacket.

When a person is continually stuffing down, suppressing, and oppressing their anger or tears, eventually, just like a volcano, it reaches a boiling over point. Hopefully at this point, one has the presence of mind and the humility of ego to reach out for help and heal in a safe and gentle manner.

Boiling Over Point (Image credit: CNN)

Until I learn or learned how to use my voice to set boundaries or let people know that their words or actions have caused me deep pain, I was one who kept “turning the other cheek”, stuffing it down, and using passive aggressive means as forms of coping. In hindsight, I now see a pattern.

1. Awareness of Anger or Justified Anger

Just like Jesus was righteously angry at the exploitation of pilgrims at the temple, so too are there times in our lives when others have truly caused us hurt, pain, loss, suffering. When we become aware of anger, a feeling of indignation begins to rise up: part of it is at the other, and of part of it can also be at ourselves for allowing it. At this point it is wise not to act or react because at this point we can be at the mercy of our emotion. This can be dangerous and can be like pouring gasoline on the fire/heat of the moment.  At the awareness point, it is wise to take a deep breath, step away, process the anger, then dialogue with the other. Depending on your expert level of awareness and ego refinement, the step away moment can be a few seconds or a few months/years.

2. Payback: The Silent Treatment  

In my novice years of anger management, or rather anger suppression, the only way I knew how to let the other person know that they had hurt me was to withhold my “love/attention/me” from them. I used the silent treatment until I felt they had “suffered enough” for their misdeed.

3. Space for Healing 

On the flip side, I also now see that this silent treatment period was a also a period of healing. Since I did not know how to communicate my feelings of betrayal or dialogue about it calmly, I needed the space and time to process, heal, and forgive.

4. Personal Responsibility 

When we are slighted we can feel like victims or like life is happing to us, rather than for us and because of us. Being in victim mode or having that mentality is an invitation for more misdeeds against one’s self. We keep recreating the same scenarios and slights. The people and places may change, but the same transactions keep repeating themselves. At this point we need to do some deep Soul dives, self reflections, and recognize how we have contributed to or even invited such personal affronts.

5. Rewire our Thinking and Behaving 

Upon taking personal responsibility for how others treat us, we then have the work of rewiring our minds of what respect looks and feels like to us, how we communicate our boundaries in a graceful and effective manner, and lastly behaving in such a way that invites respect from the self and others. This stage takes a lot of work and a lot of effort. But I have found that when we are working on a new self-evolution project, the Universe sends us MANY and abundant opportunities for practice and growth.

6. Forgive 

It is so very easy to stew and to marinate in our anger or silent treatment or acting out. If we are not careful we can stay in this phase for months, years, or even decades. Lord have mercy! If we are not careful, our pride and self-justification or self-righteousness can build a house on our anger, rather than just temporarily pitch a tent upon it. The healing time is a time where we build faith in ourselves, life, and the other(s) again. This is a time when we become strong and whole whole again. Forgiveness is a decision. It is work. It is a Gift we give to ourselves and all of humanity. We are the ones who benefit the most from forgiving because our journey becomes lighter and more joyful.

7. Move on. Love, trust again AND maintain healthy boundaries or communicate what is and is not appropriate. 

After healing and forgiveness we live again. But this time, we take and employ our newfound personal responsibility, self-respect, voice, strength, and communication skills for a healthy and joyful life.

8. Gratitude 

The final step in forgiveness is when we look back and see just how much we have grown, learned, evolved, become stronger and a more complete and whole person. At this point we realize that the slights and hurts were a Gift as they helped us transform. They were for our benefit and refinement. We even get to a point where we are grateful to the person(s) for the lessons and grown that their slight brought to us, if we do the work of forgiveness. It can be done with and abundance of Grace and Humility.

Anger is an indication that something is not right. It is a warning light. It is an invitation into healing when we step into it and embrace its lesson. Let yourself express your anger in a safe and healthy environment that does not hurt another. Do not judge yourself when you are purging yourself of these dark emotions. Always keep in mind, you are not these dark emotions, they are just the byproduct of a challenging experience.

Forgiveness is Beauty.

Ask, invite, beseech Divine help in your forgiveness journey. Do the work They present to you. You will be in awe and wonder at all the miracles along the way.

Abundant Grace, Wisdom, Healing, Humility, and Forgiveness,                                      Irena As I Am                                                                                                       03/27/2018

Stay Free

“Stay Free!”

“Stay Free!”

“Stay Free!”

Was the message the Angels were showering upon me, all around me, on the outside and on the inside.

There was a juncture in my life some time ago where I had left and was led out of a longstanding super committed relationship. I had poured all of me into this relationship and into the other and all the others around this longstanding super committed relationship. Later on I was to find out that I and the other have had many lives together in the past. This other  person and our relationship were the sun of the orbit of my life. And I used all of the sunshine  within me to lighten and nurture the other and others. It was my duty and obligation. And then it imploded. It was no more. It vanished. It became a nothingness, a vastness, an emptiness, a vacuum. And I lost all sense of me, my identity, my purpose, my purse, my meaning, my reason for being. Like an astronaut untethered from their spaceship floating aimlessly and in eternal perpetuity, I too was untethered from that and those that shaped who i was, why i was, and where i was going. For a period of time, my body was here on earth but the “i” in me or the “eye”  of me was floating in a black hole of nothingness. It was as though I was a walking, living, breathing shell of a body whose soul had departed. I knew not where my soul had gone, nor if it would ever come back and fill me up again. I knew I still existed because I could see and touch my body. That much was there and true, but the inside was hollow, like a dead tree. It was the weirdest sensation I had ever had over a period of time. I knew what depression was and how it felt. But depression was kindergarten to this sensation. At least in depression I felt something. With this encounter, I felt nothing.

As the adage goes, “The Universe abhors a vacuum.” and thus, in time another was brought into my life who could and would help me have a reason for me. Everything that I had wanted from the first other that I did not get and which had caused me great angst, this second other gave easily, freely (or so I thought initially), and abundantly. This second other was lavishing generous gifts upon me, flying cross country to see me and spend time with me – and all I had to do was “say the word”. Conversationally, this new other was brilliant and had a genius mind. To me and for me, this characteristic gave me an inside natural high. This was my own fairy tale unfolding before my eyes. I was excited again. I was alive again. I was feeling again. I had hope for the future. I began making plans for a future of togetherness, of “happily ever after”. But lurking behind all of this abundant external positivity and fortune, I was being hounded and stalked by a feeling from deep within of uneasiness, unsettledness, and like I wanted to RunRunRunRun.

This was a period in my life where I was a neophyte to understanding and responding to my feelings and to the messages my body was sending me. I was on the border, in that liminal zone between discounting them, ploughing through them, or bulldozing them down with the might of my bull-like will and to actually stopping, feeling them, discerning what they were telling me, and then proceeding with this newfound wisdom. Interestingly, one of my major mantras back then reflected this shift. It was, “Stop. Feel. Think. Then Act.”. I even had a t-shirt made with this slogan. I needed to wear these words and have my body and being absorb this lesson and way of being and living.

Even though my mind was elated and my Heart alive again, my body was SCREAMING something completely different and opposite. My body’s wisdom and intuition was feeling, reading, and responding to the vibes in this encounter. My body, God bless her, was figuratively and literally saying RunRunRunRunRunRunBabyRunRunRun! I am sure that you Dear Reader can figure out and make the connection how the RunRunRun… part manifested itself in my body. But just to give you little hint and clue: whenever I left my house, my predominate thoughts and concerns were, “where is the nearest rest room” and “how long before I reach the nearest restroom”. Get it? My body was so anxious and so distressed that she was always on the run from the present moment.

Around this time I was reading books on how to develop my intuition. I wanted to know how to hear and respond to God, rather than to the whims and desires of others. God responded by presenting to me in my path books about intuition: Laura Day, “Practical Intuition” and “How to Rule The World from Your Couch”, Sonia Choquette  “The Psychic Pathway” are the ones that I remember now.

Meanwhile I was teetering and tottering between co-joining my path with this new other or go at it solo. A wise person suggested that I visit and spend some time with this other person in their home and native land. And so I did. And oh Dear Lord what an eye opener this was. My trip was slated for seven days but after about day three or four, I KNEW I wanted OutOutOutOutOut! I called the airline and they wanted almost eight hundred dollars to re-issue my ticket to a flight a few days earlier. Um, maybe not. Maybe I’ll just tough it out, I thought. There is always a silver lining because if before my “no” was the size of The Rock of Gibraltar, after the extra few days my “NO” solidified from the surface down to the core and it became the size of the Rocky Mountain Range.

The Universe in It’s part was also signaling to me Their View on the situation with Their communication. We were driving in the city and a bus stop advertising caught my eye. It’s prominent message was “Stay Free”. Then while we were stopped at a red light, an elderly couple crossed the street right in front of us. I looked at them and they looked and felt MISERABLE. In that moment, I had a deep impression and feeling that said,                  “Irena if you co-join your path with this other, you will be this miserable couple down the line”. On my! Not good grief, but miserable grief. Later that night as I retreated into the safety and sanctuary of my hotel room, I had something happen that had never happened to me before – and at one point in my life I had done a a lot of business travel and hotel rooms had been my second home, so I had a cache of reference points of what a good hotel experience should look like and feel like. I had taken a long hot bath to wash the day away and then enveloped myself into the cocoon  of white bed sheets. I finally relaxed when I heard someone fidgeting with the door. By the Grace of God, I had engaged the chain door latch. I got up to see what was going on. The hotel staff had somehow mixed up my reservation with someone else’s who could not get into their room, which was my room. They tried to get in but could not. I was fuming mad! But in hindsight, it was just another sign along the way. I now see the innocent mistake of attempted intrusion in to my safe space as a signal of what would happen down the path line: my i would be intruded and invaded. Since I was so stressed and anxious, my monthly visitor, the feminine kind, came early. I always travel prepared and reached for my feminine product. Although I had used the same brand for years, it was as though I saw it for the first time. It read “Stay Free”. Need I say more! I laughed with deep gratitude at the affirmation and confirmation.

I could not wait to get into that metal cylindrical man made bird, sit into my seat  and fly home to my little safe nest. I thought I was home free. Again, at one point in my life for a few years, I had gotten on a plane several times a month and had always had a pretty good experience. Not this time though. The flight was delayed couple of hours due to an electrical issue related to the set belt safety light overhead our seats. All the passengers remained on the plane while the service crew repaired the short circuit. Meanwhile, I prayed and prayed and prayed. Finally a few hours later we were airborne. Home safe! I thought! Not so fast, said something else. About an hour into the flight the seat belt light started flashing uncontrollably, the pilot came on and said that although it was not a major issue and we could continue flying, regulations required that we turn back. WHAT! TURN BACK! NoNoNoNoNo!!! Turn back we did. Change planes we did. This I had never experienced before. Eventually, after much hassle, fuss, inconvenience, we made it to our destination, safely.

“Stay away from this person and this path. Very Very Very Far Away.”, the Universe not only whispered, pleaded, hinted, but screamed too. By the Grace of God, i listened and i obeyed, even though on paper and to the naked eye the positives were in abundance. This time I didn’t override The Holy Spirit. This time I took Her Eternal Wisdom and heeding.

Upon my return home, I severed ties with this person. Within a relatively short period of time, my body calmed down and stopped “running”.

Grateful beyond words.                                                                                                    Take Charge of you, your choices, your life, your health, your outcomes,                      Irena As I Am                                                                                                      02/23/2018

Let Love Resolve This

I had been waiting a long long long LONG time for some news. Years. And years, actually. I had been patient, and I had exerted enormous amounts of energy in staying patient, positive, and hopeful: energy which I could have used toward other endeavors. This waiting was like a constant cloud hovering over me and weighing down on me. This waiting was like trying to swim in the ocean with my legs chained together and weighted down with two steel balls around each ankle. Thus, rather than swimming and moving forward, the bulk of my energy went toward just keeping my head above water and not drowning.

The world and my ego told me “it was within my right” that I take matters into my own hands.                                                                                                                            The piece of paper and pen markings told me it was well within my jurisprudence that I “do something about it.”                                                                                                         My own impatience and desire in moving forward nagged at me to “just do it. just be done with it”.                                                                                                                         Then there were those who sowed fear, or tried to sow fear into my heart by telling me about all the things that could happen if I didn’t do something.                                      One person even said, “that is why God made lawyers.”

With all this overwhelming evidence, validation, and tidal wave toward a certain path, there was something deep within me that said to the contrary,                                                   “Wait. You don’t know everything that is going on. You can’t see everything that is going on. Wait on Us. Let Us take care of this – peacefully, amicably, and in a mutually beneficial manner. Trust Us.”

“Arrgh! How much longer do You expect me to wait! Haven’t I been patient long enough? Hasn’t the statute of limitations on patience long ago expired? I want this resolved, NOW!”, was my emotional volley back over the fence and into the Divine’s Court.                          And,                                                                                                                                     I also asked Them for guidance toward leading me to a helper in the human court. But no such doors opened up, no coincidences transpired, no path presented itself, nothing that felt right – to my dismay and discouragement.

And then, like always, They surprised me with Their Wisdom filled response,

“SweetHeart, you only see the now. We see eternity. We see how each action or lack of it reverberates into eternity. If you follow through on your sense of self-entitlement it will create a cascade of negative karma for you and for others for lifetimes to come. If you allow yourself to be at the mercy of these ego-based emotions you will keep alive the fear based Soul contract between you and the other party/parties. You may receive short term relief but it will be at the expense of long term peace. If you succumb to your ego in this situation, you will be ruled by your ego for lifetimes to come. This is is your opportunity of a lifetime to let Love into this Soul contract and let Love resolve this in Love’s Way, once and for all time. If you let Love resolve this, you will be freed totally and completely, in eternity. If you let Love handle this in Love’s Way, your yoke will then be Light. We leave the decision in your hands.”

Well, after that Deep Divine Insight, I knew I had only one choice: wait on Love. But that does not mean that the human side in me still found it easy to “wait”. No, on the contrary, it took a lot of energy and effort to keep myself distracted, entertained, occupied, and at peace in the waiting. It took an ABUNDANCE OF GRACE to keep me on track. It took an abundance of prayer, meditation, journaling, and time with the Eucharist.

It also helped that at the time I had a friend whose lone voice said,                                   “Ah, just let it go.”

“OK. Will do.”, I sighed reluctantly,  and then we’d go off on an adventure.

By the Grace of God, I listened to my Heart and to my friend. God always sends us angels and support. All we need are eyes that see, ears that hear, and a discerning and humble Heart. Pray for that, every day.

During these years in waiting there had been a social media image that resonated deeply with me because it had portrayed my situation. It was a picture of a beautiful butterfly which had a string or chain tied to her body and at the end of the string chain was a steel ball. It showed the butterfly hovering just slightly above a flight of stone stairs which seemed to be leading up and out of the dungeon. But yet the butterfly could only fly as far as the length of the chain. It made my Heart ache and eyes weep.

This past summer I was getting to a point of not being able to take it anymore. I am human after all. In my mind, I had built up an image of this other person and the image was slathered in sludge. Around this time I also got a strong inclination to go on a fast. In the past, fasting has brought about miracles in my life. The fast that I went on was The Master Cleanse. It was my one of my go to fasts. I find that when I refrain from food, it gives me crystal clear clarity. It was also a fast that I see as deeply symbolic – it helped cleanse me of the masters in my life – the ego masters that had ruled me and kept me from living more in alignment with Love. I also got the impression to do either seven or eight days of the Master Cleanse within a certain month. In the past I would have done it the seven to eight days in a row. But since I have also been on a gentle journey, the peace pilgrim journey, this time round I spread it out over the entire month, meaning that I would do one or two days a week, either consecutive or dispersed. I was going to go with the Flow and decide day by day. About half way into this fast, I got the strong message to “call the other party”. Up to this point, we had not had any verbal communication in years, only rare emails relating to the issue.

That phone call was a miracle. And, it was miracle producing.

I heard the other person’s voice and in their voice I heard their story and I heard their Heart through their voice. I just KNEW they were speaking the truth. I knew that the delay had been legitimate and out of their control. And then, the person said something which completely took me by surprise, God has a way of doing that when you humble yourself before God, and the person said,                                                                                       “I pray for you everyday.”

I was so stunned, that I didn’t know what to say. And then with those words sinking into my being, the volcano of anger that had been bubbling in me, building in me, and attempting to bully me into war, was INSTANTANEOUSLY put out. In it’s place PEACE took residence. I instantly forgave this person. It was a miracle the equivalent of the parting of the sea. It gave me passage from hardness, anger, bitterness, thoughts of revenge occupying my mind, to the Promised Land of Peace in my Heart.

Had I taken matters in to my own hands, had I taken the logical route with legal action, I would have created a quagmire mess the size of which I just know I would have drowned in. The person said that everything would be resolved in three months time. After waiting for this for years, three months seemed like a short duration. But then, three months came and went, and… nothing happened. Oh, the “thoughts” that came into my mind.

Around this time I was going about my day with these “thoughts” flooding me when out of the blue a child presented me with a Gift. This is a child that I see from time to time in passing and have just a casual connection with. The child said that they thought of me and made a butterfly for me. I was STUNNED. I just knew deep within that this child was an angel telling me that all will be well – that the butterfly will be freed. The depth of gratitude and humility in the way of God gave me awe and wonder and strength to keep hanging on and waiting for God.

As it turned out, everything was resolved eventually. The delays were just part of the process. Sometimes, things just take more time than we anticipate. In the meantime, pray, trust God, and be on the look out for sings.

 

Abundant Grace and God’s Choicest Blessings,                                                              Irena As I Am

 

PS                                                                                                                                  SIGNS                                                                                                                                 As things were being wrapped up, I received a call by accident from an independent third party who was doing the wrapping up. The independent third party thought they were calling somebody else and after my “hello”, they immediately went into a monologue about how frustrated they were with all the delays.                                                                    Wow! All I could do was thank God, profusely for this “coincidence”.

Then, another person, completely unrelated to the above issue and knowing of it was telling me about their disappointment and frustration with a certain institution. This was the same institution that was delaying my/our resolution.                                                       Wow! And wow! All I could think of, just how creative and to the great lengths that God went to in communicating with us and letting us know “God is with us”.

I received three signs: the butterfly, the misplaced phone call, and the institutional similarity story. This is just BEYOND amazing!                                                                                  Amen                                                                                                                                Thank You God

Come to Me

Once upon a time, a long long, LONG, time ago, it was 2:49 am on a southern Sonoran Desert winter’s night. I was snuggled warmly and safely in the arms of a blanket and a bed in a retreat house in a little corner of Holy Trinity Monastery. My sleep was peaceful, deep and restful. And then, The Voice came, hovered in me and awoke me.  Oh, The Voice always comes at the most unexpected times.

“Wake up.”, were the words whispered into and onto me.

I awoke and was immediately at attention.

Then I heard, or rather more like, felt on my Heart these words,

“Come to Me.”

“What!”, was my response and defense and denial.

“Come to Me.”, came back softly, gently, lovingly, and understandingly, for He too had been in flesh once and knows very well its frailty.

“But it’s 2:49 am. It’s the middle of the night. It’s SCARY out there. There are no lights. There are “things” out there in the night, in the wilderness. Unimaginable things that may do unimaginable things to me.”, was my plea and retortion, to no avail.

“Come to Me.” The Voice said, but now it was more insistent.

“Yes.”, I finally acquiesced with my Heart.

The Voice did not have to tell me where The Voice wanted me to go. I just KNEW in my Heart where I was being summoned to. I knew that He was calling me to Him. I knew He wanted me to visit Him at the foot of the “old rugged cross”. I knew He wanted me to spend some time with Him in the middle of the night, in the dark of the night when it was quiet and still. I knew He was testing me. He was testing my faith in Him. He was testing my trust in Him. He was testing my love for Him. He was testing my devotion and commitment to His Way. And, He wanted to prove to me, just how trustworthy He truly was. This, of sorts was an invitation to an initiation. It was an initiation into a way of life of obedience to Him, no matter how I felt, how things looked, or the defense my mind was preparing. It was His High Way or I was going to be on my own and at the mercy of my thoughts and the thoughts and expectations of others. Luckily, Grace stepped in and bolstered me with a heavy dose of Spirit Courage and Humility.

Even though I had a choice, if I wanted peace in my Heart, I knew I had but one choice, and that was to listen and respond. With this in mind, I got out of bed and since I already had pant pajamas on, I put on a warm jacket, shoes, and went out into the dark night. My Heart was beating, my mind was racing with fear thoughts, my belly was squeezed tight, and adrenalin was flooding my body. As I stepped out into the night and walked down the gravel road, I tried to be as silent as I could so as to not draw any attention to myself from whoever or whatever may be peering at me from the dark forest. I kept my head low and my gaze focused forward. I dared not look sideways into the darkness. In my mind and Heart I was not just praying, but begging for strength and courage. And They gave it to me. But the plot thickens, because I also had to walk past a cemetery. Oh yes, They always make a Faith invitation an interesting course.

But with all this inner noise and turmoil going on I did have the presence of mind to notice that the moon had been so large and so bright that I did not need my flashlight. I noticed that I could see very clearly and distinctly. I noticed that from the light of the moon, I cast a shadow on the road ahead of me. My shadow was the scariest thing that I had encountered.

I knew that I had to walk and not run the distance to the cross which was about a city block long.  By forcing my self to walk and not run, I was keeping the fear in check while still being able to keep my presence of mind. Had I ran, I would have let fear overcome me, overshadow me, dictate my behavior and then I would have lost all sense of me. Thus, as I walked past the cemetery and up the hill toward the cross my main goal was just to take the next step, and breathe. Just take the next step, and breathe. Just take the next step, and breathe. I was totally and completely in the moment. Nothing and no-one else existed anywhere, but my breath, my step, and my Heart attuned to Divine Support.

When I got to the cross, on my knees I immediately went, without even thinking. My hands wrapped themselves around the wood and my forehead touched the rocky ground. I was called here to revere the life giving cross. I was called here to take up my cross. I was summoned here to make my bond with the cross. I was going to take cues from the cross in how I was to live, in return, the cross would espouse me and wrap His arms around me and my life. It was our union. It was our reunion.

The cross has remained faithful to me, even though at times I have wavered and hesitated and delayed in my love response to the cross. This is the human condition. This is normal and nothing to be ashamed of nor scorned. But rather, gently accepted for what it is, live with it gracefully, and just do our best in each and every moment.

When I did make it back to my retreat room, and closed and locked the door behind me, I signed a huge sigh of relief. I am human after all: and humans waver. Otherwise we would not need the support of Love. As I snuggled back into the cocoon of the bed, I was in awe and wonder of what had just happened. I savored every moment like lovers savor every glance and  touch. It was also a profound lesson in observing and feeling the fear, but doing it anyway. It showed me to not be at the mercy of my fear, but rather at the mercy and grace of Love.

Little did I know back then, that this was just the beginning of these invitations to trust. There were going to be many more in the years ahead. But the good news is that each invitation to trust was accompanied with the Grace of The Universe at my back. I was not alone. I was not expected to do it alone. I was surrounded by Love. Love imbued me with strength, courage, power, wisdom, gratitude, and profound humility toward The Voice.

Abundant Wisdom, Grace, Courage, & Humility to All,                                                      Irena As I Am,                                                                                                                      In His Service and In His Love